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Monday, August 29, 2011

Bagging Allende for ITT and Supper

Dr. Tom C. Rakow
"The Bear Tooth Pastor"
Founder and Executive President
Christian Deer Hunters Assn.

Dear Pastor Rakow,

In "Devotions for Deer Hunters Vol. II," you blamed rising anti-hunting sentiments on the "increasing influence of Eastern thought on our society." You called out Buddhism and Hinduism specifically, suggesting that their belief in reincarnation is fueling outrage against hunting here in Jesus' America. I think you're mistaken.

Although as a Christian, I don't believe in reincarnation, I like to pretend I do when I'm out hunting. That way, every cottontail I shoot is Ngo Dinh Diem, every pheasant is Salvador Allende, and every deer is that bastard, Mr. Harrelson, who suspended me for packing heat in the 6th grade.

Don't get me wrong. It's not simply a way to satisfy our God-given hankering to smite the wicked. It's more than that. Most of my targets are commies the CIA killed the first time. I'm just whacking their animal forms again and again to make sure they get the message, "Don't screw with American business."

And OK, maybe the CIA didn't assassinate Fred Rogers (at least, not officially), but by gosh, they should have. I have no regrets about gunning that marmot bastard down 17 times--not after he used that damned Henrietta Pussycat puppet to turn two entire generations into compulsive self-fornicators.


Think about it.

Good hunting.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian. patriot

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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.