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Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Amazon Review: Defense Technology 56895 MK-9 Stream, 1.3% Red Band Pepper Spray

I see that Lt. John Pike's favorite pepper spray is getting many popular reviews at Amazon. I thought I'd submit my own:
5.0 out of 5 stars Stops 'em From "Going to the Walkers", November 22, 2011
Gen. JC Christian, patriot (Tremonton, UT United States) - See all my reviews
This review is from: Defense Technology 56895 MK-9 Stream, 1.3% Red Band/1.3% Blue Band Pepper Spray (Misc.)
I'm faced with a lot of dangerous situations at the nursing home. I give an order to move from the TV room to the cafeteria for a performance of the Tremonton 2nd Ward Primary Children's Chorus and the codgers immediately surround me, leaning threateningly on their walkers. It's a frightening situation to be in, one that always sends me scurrying to the crafts area, seeking the illusory protection of a pair of blunt tip scissors.

That was until I saw Lt. John Pike use this product to defang the threat of sprawling hippies at UC Davis. I immediately purchased a dozen cans. Now, not even the possibility of missing a Matlock rerun can prompt the residents to "go to the walkers."

As for mealtime, grandma no longer menaces me by shaking her mush spoon. Rather, she quickly wolfs her gruel down like a marriage defender getting the most out of a luggage handler, leaving me plenty of time for a long Postum break.

The best thing about this product is that, unlike a cattle prod, it's easy to hide when Uncle Orville's relatives drop in for a visit. No more arguments about what actually constitutes a threat.

Sure, the orange skin stains can be a problem, but that's easily explained away as a sleeping accident in the fingerpainting room.

I recommend it wholeheartedly. Heck, I'm even going to buy stock in the company. Lord knows that after Newt is elected, this product is going to be a godsend to any company faced with potentially violent labor actions launched by our new pre-pubescent workforce.

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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.