With Lettuce and Mayo, but Hold the Zygote, Please

Senator Ralph Shortey
Oklahoma State Senate

Dear Senator Shortey,

Although there are no current efforts to use the pre-born in food products, I still think your bill outlawing such practices is a great idea. Lord knows that if the OBAMUNIST USURPER is elected to a second term, you can bet that grocery shelves will be filled with products like Cup O'Zygote, Blastocystoroni, and Reeses Fetuses.

I wonder, however, why your bill ignores an even more deplorable form of cannibalism that is currently taking place all over Oklahoma. No, I'm not talking about the hoards of backwoods, inbred, redneck Sooners who regularly feast on the flesh of lost tourists and hikers--I cherish traditional values as much as the next patriot--I'm referring to the Catholic practice of eating Jesus' flesh and drinking His immaculate blood.

I mean we're talking about our Lord and Savior, here. Shouldn't He get at least as much protection as a zygote-American? I sure as hell think so.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

P.S. I hope your bill only applies to swallowing. Otherwise, I'll have to find a new way to transfer liberated spermatazoan-Americans to their new mason jar homes.