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Thursday, April 05, 2012

Obama, Tupac, and the Murder of Andrew Breitbart

Last night, I received a call that may finally bring an end to the OBAMUNIST USURPER's rein of friendly and personable terror. I immediately recognized the caller's voice. It was Operative Jethro. I've worked with him before. He sold me Obama's original birth certificate, the document that proved Obama is a reptillian alien from the Szlzrdian star system.

"Have you been following the new revelations about Obama," he asked, "the ones exposed by Fox New's Heather Childers and"

"Yes," I replied. I knew about the OBAMUNIST USURPER's threats against Chelsea Clinton's life and his plot to murder Supreme Court justices.

"I've got something even bigger," Jethro continued, "meet me at our secret place and bring 3 cartons of Luckys, a case of PBR, and a VHS copy of 'Spartacus.'"

I met him an hour later in a truck stop restroom just off 1-15 north of Tremonton. I gave him the smokes, beer, and gladiator movie, and he sat a photo down on the toilet seat.

It was a picture of a house taken at night. He said the house is in Brentwood, very close to the spot where Andrew Breitbard died. "This was taken moments before Andrew Breitbart was murdered," he declared.

"Murdered?" I replied, "they said it was natural causes." Ignoring me, Operative Jethro pointed to the bottom left corner of the photo, "these are the bastards who killed him."

I examined the photo. The shapes were dark and blurry. It was hard to tell what they were, but they didn't look like people. "God," I thought, "I hope I haven't given up my copy of 'Spartacus' for this."

He laid down a second photo. It was an enlargement from the first photo. I immediately understood what was before me. One of the dark blotchy shapes was the OBAMUNIST USURPER in the reptillian form of his Szlzrdian race. The other was Tupac Shakur. His trademark bandanna betrayed him, even in his lizard disguise.

Tupac and Obama, scary black men photographed together, albeit in Szlzrdian form. It was like a Breitbart dream, but unforfortunately it became his nightmare.

Jethro then laid a document down on the toilet seat. It wasn't the kind of thing people would recognize as being a document. It was not made of paper or parchment, rather it was heavy and metallic. I had seen this kind of document before. It was like the birth certificate. It was alien. It was Szlzrdian.

Operative Jethro translated it for me. It was a requistion form, allowing the OBAMUNIST USURPER to exchange a Chevy Volt and a number of light bulbs for a vial of poison. Jethro explained that the poison was virtually undetectable.If tested, it would appear to be cocaine if it was discovered at all.

It was the perfect way to murder Andrew Breitbart.

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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.