Republican Science

We hear a lot about conservative advancements in creation and climate science, but very little about other great Republican scientific achievements. Here's a list of a few of our most patriotic discoveries:

• Particulate-induced asthma is good for children. It causes them to breath less carbon monoxide.
• No unbiased observer has ever witnessed the female orgasm.
• Oil is organic. It's good for people.
• If God wanted us to have recreational sex, He wouldn't have made sex so off-putting - women wouldn't vomit every time they did it.
• Coal soot acts like sunblock against the deadly effects of chemtrails.
• Preborn girls are created when a sperm person gives up one of his ribs.
• Fish choose to shape their mouths in an obscene manner. It is not an innate characteristic. They can be cured.
• Human civilization began in Branson, Missouri.
• Gravity is a lie. We all have angels pushing down on our heads. Sometimes Catholic priests and protestant youth ministers have to help the angels push down on heads.
• Even animals have angels pushing down on them. Except birds. They're Satanic communists.
• During the rapture, angels will stop pushing down on the righteous.
• Rain doesn't fall. Angels just point their squirtguns downward. Same is true for pee.
• Polar bears are suicidal. They want to become extinct.
• A man's uterus is the only organ that can function outside of his body.

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