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Thursday, October 04, 2012

Brother Osmond's Teatriotic Osmond Brother

Alan Osmond doesn't get all the attention Donny and Marie get. He's not out there Jenny Craiging or Dancing with the Stars. He's got more important things to do, things like serving his church, selling smelly oils, and complainin' about the guvmint. Actually, it's more like angrilly shouting random words about how Obama is like some ancient American bandit army of communists run by the Devil and the Antichrist. Or something. Heck, I can't quite figure it out. Take a look at this blog post he wrote and you'll see what I mean:

Ezra Taft Benson, a former President of the LDS Chuch stated in the November 1988 edition of the Ensign) in an article entitled “I Testify”, that “A secret combination that seeks to overthrow the freedom of all lands, nations, and countries is increasing its evil influence and control over America and the entire world.”

...This overall combination composed of religious, financial, and political committees cooperates and co-ordinates with all the other groups to accomplish their ultimate plan which is a one-world government called the New World Order.

That plan also entails the creation of a one-world religion, to the exclusion of all others. To accomplish the dual goal of a one-world government and religion, they have already engaged the services of a man who is and will be the Anti-Christ.

During the Cold War, LDS Apostle Ezra Taft Benson repeatedly described communism as a secret combination.

...LDS President Gordon B. Hinckley compared modern terrorists to the “Gadianton robbers, a vicious, oath-bound, and secret organization bent on evil and destruction.”

Scriptures record:

“And it came to pass in the *thirteenth year there began to be wars and contentions throughout all the land; for the Gadianton robbers had become so numerous, and did slay so many of the people, and did lay waste so many cities, and did spread so much death and carnage throughout the land, that it became expedient that all the people, both the Nephites and the Lamanites, should take up arms against them.

Therefore, all the Lamanites who had become converted unto the Lord did unite with their brethren, the Nephites, and were compelled, for the safety of their lives and their women and their children, to take up arms against those Gadianton robbers, yea, and also to maintain their rights, and the privileges of their church and of their worship, and their freedom and their liberty.

[Brother Osmond brings the Devil in here, but you've seen enough.]
Holy rameumpton, Brother Osmond's stream of consciousness style is hard to follow. You have to wonder if those smelly oils he sells might be jacking him up like a youth pastor at a pee wee wrestling match. That's powerful stuff he's peddling. It cures everything from flatulence and lymphoma to genital warts and radiation damage.

But simply not making sense doesn't mean he's wrong. Elder Osmond is using all the right words. I mean hey, if he's using "Obama," "communist," "new world order, "the devil" "Antichrist," "Gadiantan Robbers" and "Lamanites" along with the words of our prophets and scriptures, he must be speaking the truth.

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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.