Advanced Youth Pastoring Techniques Applied in War on Women

You may remember the International House of Prayer as the spearhead of the prayer assaults that defeated California's attempt to desegregate love. Now, their former-homosexualist Young Republican youth pastor, Tyler Deaton, is applying the time-tested principles of youth pastoring to bring prayer assaults into a more physical realm.

Here's how Truth Wins Out (TWO) describes Pastor Deaton's new prayer assault methods:

His group allegedly began drugging and sexually assaulting Deaton’s wife, Bethany, 27, for what they deemed spiritual reasons.

The Kansas City Star provides additional details:

Bethany was sexually assaulted over a period of months while drugged with someone else’s prescription anti-psychotic, witnesses in the house told authorities. This was happening, the witnesses alleged, in a period of time that male members in the house were involved in sexual relationships with Deaton, one saying it was part of a “religious experience.”

TWO also claims that Pastor Deaton engaged in homosexualist sex acts with some male members of his flock while the others were ministering to his wife. I suspect TWO is wrong. The good youth pastor was simply honoring his prayer warriors by wrestling them in the ancient manner of our Spartan warrior forbears. Secularists often confuse the end of such matches--the moment when the victor thrusts his Great and Terrible Rigid Staff of Warriorly Domination deep into the vanquished's Cave of Shame--with a sexual act.

Unfortunately, as often happens when advanced youth pastoring techniques are employed without proper security, Pastor Deaton's experiment ended with a murder charge. TWO elaborates:

Afraid that Bethany was going to reveal the group’s crimes to her therapist, Deaton allegedly ordered one of his followers, Micha Moore, to murder her, and make it appear to be a suicide. The plan seemed to be working until Moore cracked and confessed to authorities.

A tip of the ol' helmet to commenter Lurkr.