The NRA: Turning Your Home into Firebase Jethro

Are you ready to defend your home against today's cannabis-fueled, hip-hop-crazed, Obamunist, Union-goon super-perp? If not, the National Rifle Association has all the weapons-related advice you'll need to turn yourself into a one-man home defense SEAL Team Six.

The first thing you'll need is a good tactical home defense firearm. According to the home defense experts at the NRA, a combat shotgun is one of your best bets:

The primary difference between shotguns intended for outdoor sports and those for self-defense is the barrel length. Combat shotguns—sometimes called riot guns, are typically fitted with short barrels between 18.5 to 20 inches in length...The 12-gauge combat shotgun has been called the most effective anti-personnel firearm invented. The saturation effect of buckshot and, at close range, birdshot is simply devastating to soft tissue.

But just how useful is a shotgun in that most common of all home defense scenarios :

You awaken in the middle of the night to a noise that doesn’t belong in your home. Prudently, you grab your shotgun and cell phone. Suddenly, you hear the screams of your daughter coming from her bedroom. You rush toward the room and are confronted with a bad guy using your daughter as a human shield. The bad guy starts to point his gun at you. What are you going to do?

The NRA says not to worry. You can still blow the perp's head off without also maiming or killing your little princess. You just need to wield it like a scalpel:

The shotgun may not be suited for taking out a 200-yard threat, but at in-home ranges it can be utilized as a precision tool—provided that you know its behavior intimately at those distances...Relatively few are aware of its precision capabilities. But having that knowledge could come in handy when you need it most.

But what if you need to defend your home from a mile away? Once again, the NRA offers a solution:



And what if your wife orders you to whack a perp. According to the NRA, there's nothing like a good old hitman-style double tap:



For added firepower:



OK, you've bagged your perp. Now it's time to gut him. The experts at the NRA know there's nothing better than a shank for gutting a perp (or that guy in Cell Block C who still owes you for that Cup'O'Soup):



I don't have time to list all of the home defense (or shopping mall offense) suggestions that the NRA has to offer, but here are a few more quick links:

The Weaver Precision Tactical Bipod for those times when you have to shoot clear across the dining room.

Tactical accessories to pimp your assault rifle.

Cowboy up your tactical carbine.

And more...