From Where Does Michele Bachman Pull Her Facts

Last week, celebrity rumphibitionist Kim Kardashian ended butt enhancement surgery speculation by providing an X-ray photo of her most prized asset.

After witnessing how X-rays can be used to squelch rumors, I decided to contact my preferred presidential candidate, Michele Bachmann and suggest she consider doing the same if future events should warrant it.

She chose to act preemptively and sent me the X-ray photo that appears below. As you can see, she uses her hindquarters to safeguard her most valuable treasures. Her extra house key is there, along with a lightbulb she's hiding from the government. But most importantly, she keeps her facts down there, positioned to be pulled from her ass immediately when needed.



That's the kind of out-of-the-box thinking we need in a president. I bet no other presidential candidate has even considered using such a handy stash. Well, maybe Mr. Santorum, but hey, are kibbles really that valuable?

Elsewhere: Redneck-American Mother of the Year Bristol Palin on her favorite thing to do with 2-yr-old Tripp (00:34 on video): "4-wheeling."

I bet he's not one of those helmet-wearing girly-boys.

Elsewhere elsewhere: The fervently caucasian Jawa has his mind on cross-dressing.