Herman Cain Fights the Tube-Sock Holocaust

I'll admit it. I was surprised when I first heard that Herman Cain "doesn't snuff his own seed." I mean, here's a man who claims to support compelled childbirth, yet he's never snorted a pool of his own spunk in order to protect it until he could get it to his cellar? "What," I wondered, "does he do when he's at the movies and doesn't have a mason jar handy?"

Then, I remembered J. Patrick Rooney's "don't snuff your seed" series of pro-Republican ads targeting the unheartlandishly hued. Herman Cain was the spokesman for the Rooney's group.

Clearly, CEO Cain was using an alternate definition of snuff, meaning "to kill." He was telling us not to kill our seed. He was asking us to help him end the Tube-Sock Holocaust.

Sometimes, that requires us to snort up a whole passel Spermatazoan-Americans. I'm sure Herman Cain understands that. No doubt, he's done it himself.