Jesus' General

It's time to begin the internments

By now you've seen the pictures of Asan Akbar, the 101st Airborne Division sargent who fragged his officers the other day. Of course the liberal media tried to suppress the photos, because it wouldn't be politically correct for us to see the truth.

Well, I'm not afraid to speak out. I'll tell you what the pictures showed. Asan Akbar shaves his head. He's a gosh damned baldy and they're not to be trusted. Remember Telly Savalas in the Dirty Dozen? He was a traitor and had to be shot by Lee Marvin. There are others too: Goldfinger, Mussolini, that foreigner queen on the gin bottles. They were all bald and they all hated America because we're free.

Let me be the first to call for the round-up and internment of all the baldies in our country. We need to act on this immediately, before they have a chance to destroy our great nation from within.

I'm sure that many of America's most valued commentators, people like Rush and Michael Savage, will join me in asking Pastor General Ashcroft to lock up these bastards, but we need your help too. Ranting isn't enough. We need you to go out and capture any baldies you know. Use your homeland security duct tape to bind them until the authorities are ready to pick them up. Once bound, have your way with them. Poke them with pointed sticks. Show them that you won't stand by silently while hairless terrorist sympathizers undermine our constitution.