Help Me Reach 12 on the Manly Scale of Absolute Gender

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Wednesday, July 21, 2004

Reserve May 2nd on your calendars

Dear Mr. Adonis,

It occurred to us while we were planning our annual Christian Militia Old Time Revival and Tribulation Preparedness Expo that your wrestling ministry would be a perfect fit for Manly Bonding Night.  Are you available on May 2nd? Manly Bonding Night is always the highlight of the Revival/Expo, so we like to hold it on Joe McCarthy's birthday .

We'd want it to be a participatory event We are all experienced wrestlers. It's part of our regular training--there's just nothing quite like the feeling you get when you embrace another man in physical combat. As your arms and legs entangle, you become a single testosterone pumping organism, a writhing mass of man flesh engaged in a glorious act as old as Man himself. Your bodies clench and your muscles spasm until finally release comes in the form of victory over your prostrate opponent, and the single organism returns to its former state of being two men, united only in exhaustion and exhilaration.

If there are any warriors among you, they are welcome to wrestle us in the fashion to which we are accustomed. That is to say, naked,  in the manner of the ancient Spartan warriors. It's the way true men of war bond, and it is second only in sacredness to our covenant with Our Lord, Jesus.

With a name like Adonis, I imagined you to have long, flowing, golden locks like Gorgeous George. I must admit that I was a bit disappointed when I saw your picture. Don't get me wrong. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a military style buzz cut. It's just that I expected you to look more like the traditional wrestling Adonis. May is still nearly a year away, perhaps you could bleach it and grow it out a bit.

Please let me know if you're available.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot 

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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.