Nightmare at the Raceway

I saw Psychedelic W and the Goat Squadron at Bonneville Raceway Park in SLC. It was one of those mega-band fundraising events. They called it Calleyfest. The profits were supposed to go to Lt. William Calley's legal fund.

To save money, psychedelic W's road manager, Grover Norquist, asked the Osmond Brothers to provide security for free. It was a mistake. The Osmonds were in their rebellious years and had taken to drinking coffee. They were hyped up on java that night and mean, as mean as a Young Republican at Lilith Fair.

Halfway through Anita Bryant's set, Wayne Osmond got into a fight in front of the stage. Merrill, coming to his brother's aid, lost his temper and slashed several people with a broken coffee cup. Upon seeing this, Anita Bryant stopped singing and asked the Osmonds to calm down. Jay then jumped up on stage and tackled her as Donny delivered a series of kicks to her mid section.

Seeing that a full blown Osmond riot was underway, the crowd stampeded to the gates. It was terrifying. I knew that if I fell down, I'd be trampled, so I just did my best to stay on my feet and eventually made it out alive.

Hours later, bruised and bleeding, I realized that the event signaled an end to a era. That week in August, a time when young conservatives were finally hip, was gone. We'd never see it again.