Chief of Police
City of Lincoln Park, Michigan
Dear Chief Karnes,
Tears filled my eyes when I read your words about the Eternal War to Resubjugate Brown People. Like you, I believe that our soldiers in Iraq are fighting to protect us. While it's true that there are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, they're still protecting us from those who would replace our dear Jesus with a brown, Muslim God.
As an American patriot who loves and reveres Our Leader, I also share your respect for order and salute your work in establishing it in our schools. I'm sure there are those who object to your department's use of a taser to subdue a 14 year old boy who refused to stop playing Nintendo in class. Pay no attention to their bleeding heart whining. That boy now has a respect for authority and order that can't be taught by any other means than experience.
Have you thought about expanding your taser program to the public at large? Imagine how much more orderly Lincoln Park could become? Jaywalk and your ass gets tasered. Park too close to an intersection and you're fried with 50,000 volts of order-inducing summary justice.
I hope you'll consider it. You could lead a vanguard of officers who create a brave new world.
Gen. JC Christian, patriot