Our Leader's example

We live in a day when many profess a faith in God's word but lead lives that are virtually faithless. Strike up a conversation about the rapture and every God-fearing man and woman you meet will tell you that the end-times are nearly upon us. They'll point to the rapture index and various prophecies as evidence that armageddon is around the corner. Then, they'll walk off to do business like there'll be a billion tomorrows.

Our Leader knows better. He knows there's no tomorrow. That's why He's spending like He's His brother, Neil, at a Bangkok men's club. He understands that our children and grandchildren will never see the bill. They'll be raptured long before it ever comes due.

Guess who else is putting their faith to work in this way. No, it's not Rev. Jerry, Pastor Pat, or Dr. Dobson--their faith seems to be lacking. It's the members of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, one of the polygamist sects featured in John Krakauer's book, Under the Banner of Heaven. Like Our Leader, they've been borrowing money for years without any intention of paying back the loans.

The Associated Press reports:

For more than a decade, a 9,000-member polygamist sect that believed civilization was about to end was borrowing money like there was no tomorrow.

Members of the sect - a renegade Mormon splinter group called the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints - took out one loan after another from the small-town Bank of Ephraim for business ventures that would prove highly speculative, even half-baked.

One loan went toward a watermelon farm, but not a single melon was ever planted and the bank had to foreclose on the farm. Another loan was taken out by a business that planned to convert military barracks into motels and housing. The venture, in which the church was a partner, collapsed when the barracks were found to have lead paint, asbestos and other hazards. Still another loan was made to a construction company that so underbid municipal sewer and street contracts it was unable to pay for materials, let alone labor. The bank had to write off that loan, too.

[...]

The insular sect is run by the reclusive Warren Jeffs, who lives in a compound surrounded by a 10-foot wall. Jeffs, 48, demands total obedience from his flock, and his church takes a share of business profits from members. He is buying ranches in Colorado and Texas for what authorities believe may be an exodus.

Jeffs does not grant interviews, and an attorney for the church, Rodney Parker, did not return calls for comment.

Keith Church, who joined the bank as president in 2000, said that after it failed, he learned from several people in the business community that sect members had taken a secret oath in 2000 to borrow as much money as they could to prepare for the day that civilization - along with the financial markets - collapsed.

Sect members who wanted to take out loans from the bank were allowed to put up a dubious form of collateral: their rights to use church land for business purposes.

At one point, the amount of money borrowed by members of the sect amounted to around $18 million, or about 90 percent of the institution's loan portfolio - three times higher than what prudent bank management dictates, regulators said.

As conservative Christians, we should all be ashamed that Our Leader's faith is matched only by that of a bunch of horny heretics. Don't you think it's time for us to follow His example and demonstrate our faith by borrowing every cent we can and donating it all to His favorite charity, Halliburton?