A practice so vile I hesitate to utter its name

Rep. John Graham Altman III
South Carolina House of Representatives

Dear Rep. Altman,

You set off one heck of a firestorm by voting to make cock fighting a felony while tabling a bill to do the same for domestic violence. Your explanation that some women deserve to be beaten didn't seem to calm your detractors. You just can't please some people no matter what you do.

I agree with you that cock fighting is a far more serious crime. The very thought of it disgusts me. I knew that bonobos engaged in such practices. That's why Darwinists --libertines, every last one of them--love them so much. But men? That's as great a sin as I can comprehend. It's illustrative of our culture's rejection of traditional values.

The very thought of men doing such a thing causes me to get a strange tingling feeling that most certainly is satanic in origin. My little soldier, reacting to this practice's name, immediately stands at attention, anticipating battle--he wants to meet his kind in this most masculine sounding pursuit.

Unfortunately, my little soldier does not have his own brain or heart. If he did, he'd understand that cock fighting is offensive to God. There is no reasoning with him. That's why I must beat him mercilessly, until he pukes up the evil bile that engorges him.

I pray that you do not suffer the same reaction.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot