Dear Ms Johnson,
There are rumors floating around the internet that you are Karl Rove's concubine. Is it true? I sure hope so.
There's nothing wrong with serving as his concubine. It's a position steeped in ancient biblical tradition. Mr. Rove, the deliverer of elections and master of the Christian base, deserves a stable of mistresses just as David, the slayer of Goliath and king of God's chosen people, had his own harem of concubines.
More importantly, it would put an end to all the talk about Mr. Rove and that harlot, Jeff Gannon. Every time I think about it, I get this mental picture of Mr. Rove on all fours like Ned Beatty in Deliverance, his flabby flesh rippling and his belly and man-breasts bouncing in a rhythm dictated by Gannon's furious pounding and punctuated by Karl's calf-like bellows. I'd rather not have to picture that anymore.
Gen. JC Christian, patriot