He was born a poor black child

Rep. Stacey Campfield
Tennessee House of Representatives

Dear Rep. Campfield,

I was sorry to hear that your application to become a member of the Tennessee House Black Caucus was rejected. When will they realize that the sons of the Southern Strategy are the black man's friend?

Being a young black man, you may not have run into this kind of discrimination before. Sadly, I know it well, because I must confront the sad, sorry plight of the white Christian male every day. People like me are victimized by the guardians of political correctness every time we open our mouths.

No matter what I do, it seems like I can't get through a full day without being accused of being a racist. I've tried everything to avoid it--I've complimented black men for their race's basketball, dancing, and musical skills and I've expressed my sympathy to their women for having to endure their husbands unnaturally large thingies. Invariably, they return such overtures with charges of bigotry.

I've always wanted to reply that it can't be true, because some of my best friends are black, but that wouldn't be truthful. I don't have any black friends. In fact, I try to avoid them because of how they react to my compliments--nobody wants a beating.

I'm hoping that after your problems with the Black Caucus, you might have sympathy for my plight and become my friend. Then, I'll finally have something to say the next time I'm called a racist or a cracker.

I hope you'll consider it.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Elsewhere:
Rep. Campfield's blog
Serving his constituents
Letters to a constituent