A few words from Randy-Pan The Goat Boy...

"Tie me to your bedpost, throw your legs over my shoulders, and let me wear you like a feed bag!"

Those of you who haven't discovered Bill Hicks yet (how that can be, I have no idea, but I imagine that it might be possible within the infinite probabilties of the universe) --- GET OFF OF YOUR ASSES AND DO IT.

"LOVE ALL THE PEOPLE: Letters, Lyrics, Routines" by Bill Hicks (it's a BOOK.)

BILL HICKS LIVE: Satirist, Social Critic, Stand-Up Comedian (DVD)

And, you know, five live albums, a couple of compilations, and the biography, "AMERICAN SCREAM."

And no, I'm not going to throw the links up here for you lazy fuckers --- I don't generally endorse corporate entities. Y'all know how to fucking GOOGLE.

I will give you a hint, though --- WaterlooRecords.com --- Austin, TX, the greatest record store on the planet, and every single person who works there WORSHIPS at the altar of Hicks. I know 'cause I've been there in person.

I first happened across Bill Hicks on basic cable in 1989. Never did get to see him live, although I know that he played Baton Rouge a couple of times (yep, I was broke then, too). And then the fucker went and died on me.

My boyfriend became an instant Hicks convert right after we got together (lucky for him, eh?). One other burden that this young man must bear is going through the rest of his life knowing that he is NOT my "perfect man." Because as witty and wonderful as my boyfriend is, he will never be William Melvin Hicks. Bless his heart. And bless him for trying...