A chipmunk and a pound of peanut butter

Rep. Bob Beauprez
Beauprez for Governor

Dear Rep. Beauprez,

It takes a lot of guts to parade around in military garb after requesting and receiving three separate draft deferments and then, finally, a medical release. Unlike you and Our Leader, Eurocrats like John Kerry and Max Cleland took the easier path, earning their right to wear a uniform by serving in combat. Suckers. Didn't they know that a bumpersticker is enough.

I must say that you looked very fetching in your chopper pilot costume. There's just something about glomming onto undeserved military honor that adds a little zing to a man's bearing. At least, that's what people tell me when I wear my general's outfit, and just look what playing soldier dress-up did for Our Leader--Chris Matthew's "little drunken lecher" is still standing at attention nearly three years later.

Of course, it took more than the uniform to provide Our Leader with that kind of success, namely, half a key of uncut Peruvian flake stuffed down into his crotchal area. You should try something similar the next time you pretend to be a vet. I suggest a pound of peanut butter and a chipmunk. I can almost hear the drool dripping from Matthews' lips as he watches your warriorly bulge move to and fro scanning the audience in search of a foxhole.

I've got to go now.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Helmet tips to Annti, Archie, Eric, and someone I forgot.