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Monday, April 03, 2006

Crafty Lefties (Part II)

I try to share a little conservative wisdom with the world and how am I repaid? I get a Koufax Award for humor. Humor! What kind of sick joke is that?

I'm a patriot, dammit. We don't have a humorous bone in our bodies. Just look at who we have for comedians: Dennis Miller, Larry Miller, and Kate O'Bierne. Case closed.

Now look at all of the French blogs that were nominated for the same award. They're all a heck of a lot more funny than Jesus' General (and I mean the good kind of funny). See for yourself:

Michael Berube

Dependable Renegade

Fafblog

Happy Furry Puppy Story Time with Norbizness

The Poor Man Institute

Rising Hegemon

Rude Pundit

Sadly, No!

Tbogg

If I was cursed with a sense of humor. I'd be laughing my ass off whenever I read any of these blogs. They're all incredibly funny. But God's blessed me with more Republican sensibilities, so the only reaction I have is that vein-throbbing-in-the-forehead thing and some minor chafing that I'd rather not get into right now. So screw 'em.

You hear that Tbogg, you lording-your-two-bassets-over-one-basset-endowed-families-son-of-a-bitch. Screw you.

You too Berube, you seditious bastard. You have Horowitz so rattled, he was thrown out of Safeway for denouncing the kielbasas the other day.

And what kind of name is Watertiger anyway? Doesn't sound very American. Not very manly sounding either. I hope you meet Michelle Malkin in a dark alley.

Fafblog? There's something intrinsically evil about a blogging lobster. It's not kosher. I have no idea what the hell a fafnir is, but I bet it's an abomination. Then there's Giblets. I can't even write that name without blushing.

Norbizness? There's just something very wrong about a man having happy furry puppy time. You can bet Our Deputy Leader never had it, and if he did, he'd probably have shot it in the face.

Attaturk, you're so freaking clever. I hate that in a man. It's not patriotic.

I have only one thing to say to the folks at Sadly No: you'll get my Ben Shapiro porn when you pry it from my cold, wet, and rather sticky hands.

As for the Editors, if they don't stop using that photo of me I'm going to sue. My sideburns and mustache should only be used for good.

Mr. Pundit. You scare me. I don't want to get on your bad side.

I command my readers to buy your CD. If I had a sense of humor, I'd say it's funniest CD I've ever heard. Heck, it's even better than anything I've heard on vinyl--even that Cheech and Chong album I owned in '76, the one Mitch's dad called the Bishop about.

Are we OK now Mr. Pundit or should I send you my lunch money.

Seriously, as I looked over all of the nominations, I thought "this one should get it this year. It's hilarious." Then I'd look at the next one and think, "no, this one had that really funny post about that one thing. It deserves to win." It was like that with each one. Your blogs are incredible. It was very humbling to be listed with you.

Thanks to the readers too. I love you all in an Ofjoshua-approved heterosexual kind of way. You are the best.

Update: Thank you mz for putting it into its proper perspective:

You should take enormous solace in the fact that your French enemies spent their time trying to marginalize you, instead of America.

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