The Lincoln Defense

Rep. Virgil H. Goode, Jr.
US House of Representatives

Dear Rep. Goode,

I applaud your recent statement condemning those who wave Mexican flags at immigrant human rights rallies, but I worry that such comments might come back to haunt you. How will you respond when some French-loving traitor asks you why you don't also condemn our Confederate patriots who proudly wave the Stars and Bars at rallies and parades? You can't just simply say that it's OK because they're white--not in public, anyway.

Let's think about this for a minute. On the one hand, we have a flag belonging to a country we invaded because they stood between us and Manifest Destiny. We were the victors in that war and took most of what is now the Western United States as our prize.

On the other hand, we have a flag flown by those who wished to tear the United States apart. Although it represents all that Godly men like you and me revere, it is symbolic of treachery and racism to most everyone else.

I don't think we have a winning argument there. Let's look at it another way.

What do The Mexican War and The War of Northern Aggression have in common? Do you remember your history? The answer is that Abraham Lincoln was on the wrong side of both. In the decade before he waged war on our beloved Confederacy, he spoke out against the Mexican War. Indeed, he was that era's Michael Moore. He believed it was an unnecessary war based on lies and fought solely for corporate gain.

I think that's our hook. You've attacked Lincoln in the past, so using that old emancipating tyrant to tar both Confederate flag haters and Mexican flag wavers makes perfect sense.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot