I was a Negro for the FBI

Alberto Gonzales
Inquisitor General of the United States

Dear General Gonzales,

You're doing a heck of a job, Alberto. It ain't an easy thing to keep the nation's fear level up at the levels required to convince voters to re-elect free-market congressman like Jerry Lewis, Denny Hastert, and Bob Ney. Rants about Muslim devils in the media and on the internet just don't scare people as much as they use to.

But you've changed that with the arrest of the Miami Seven. You've picked a target that scares the living daylights out of the average resident of the suburbs and the heartland. You've added young, black, impoverished, urban males to the terrorist profile. Nobody scares suburbia more than an angry black man.

It was a brilliant move. Catching them is easy. Certainly, there is no shortage of anger in the inner-cities against the system, a system in which young black men are denied the opportunities shared by the rest of society. The hopelessness that pervades ghettos like Liberty City makes it easy for an agent of the State Security Apparatus to find people who are eager to discuss their dreams of committing violence against what they see as their oppressors. The hard part is finding the resources needed to sweep them all up. There are just too many of them.

Perhaps you should get together with Michelle Malkin and create a plan to beef up security around our urban ghettos. You know, make them look more like old school ghettos like the one our ideological predecessors built in Warsaw about 65 years ago. All of the work she's done advocating concentration camps would be very helpful, don't you think?

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Elsewhere: Taylor Marsh provides more evidence that terrorists dig ninja outfits. It's a theory I've written about before:

State Security Apparatus nabs ninja-clad possible terrorist

American tourists report ninja-costumed terrorist mimes to Scotland Yard

Coast Guard warns public to look out for ninja-clad beach-going terrorists.