Smashing Left-Wing Scum with 14 inches of cold, rigid steel

Zachary Nuncio
GOP Candidate
Michigan State Senate

Dear Mr. Nuncio,

You're a rare breed of legislative candidate, a man who isn't afraid to celebrate his the more primitive elements of his masculinity. Indeed, you appear to be a proudly violent man. The photos of you receiving "personal combat" training in the "mom's basement" offices of Smash Left-Wing Scum! bear witness to that.

I'm also very happy to see that you're working hard to end Michigan's handgun registration laws. I think it's important that the most violent men in our society lead this fight. It scares the hell out of the opposition, causing them to think twice before they make any jokes about Freud, caliber, and barrel length.

Do you already own a handgun? I bet you do, and I bet it's a .50 cal Desert Eagle with a custom barrel measuring a long, hard 14 inches, just like mine. Have you given your Desert Eagle a name? I call mine Brutus Reamaticus.

Man, I love shooting that weapon. I try to make it last as long as possible. I gently tease the trigger, allowing anticipation to grow exponentially as the seconds roll by until, finally, the trigger finds release on its own, detonating the primer, igniting the powder, and driving that 350 gr wadcutter hard, down 14 inches of hot, rigid steel, and ultimately exploding out of the muzzle with God-like power.

Then, I usually have a cigarette.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

A helmet tip to Pvt. Fuodd.