Raiders of the Lost Foreskin

Dan Riehl
Riehl World View

Dear Mr. Riehl,

Did you know that Our Lord, Jesus' immaculate foreskin disappeared along with its sacred shoebox 23 years ago? I bet you didn't, because the media failed to report it. Indeed, only one American journalist, David Farley of Slate, has written anything about the missing snip. He believes the Pope stole it.

Now, why do you think such an important story was ignored by the media? Could it be because Catholics hold so many important positions in our media? Certainly, nobody believes that a Kathryn Jean Lopez, a Kate O'Beirne, or a Peggy Noonan would finger the Pope in a foreskin caper. But what about the Jews? Everybody knows they play the Sharks to the Catholics' Jets when it comes to evil media cabals--just ask Judith Reagan, Mel Gibson, or George Allen. Why aren't they all over this story? Perhaps the Jews are afraid of being dragged into court and eventually facing justices with names like Roberts, Alito, and Scalia.

The shame of it is that this subversion of our institutions could have been avoided had the Dan Riehl/Virgil Goode immigration plan (which would keep America "white and delightsome" by excluding Muslims and other "undesireables") been adopted 150 or so years ago. Lord knows, there was a large constituency, the "Know-Nothings," who wanted to bar Catholics from immigrating. Running on a platform which proclaimed "war to the hilt, on political Romanism," the Know Nothings captured seven governorships and eight state houses in 1855. Still, they weren't able to stem the Catholic tide, and now, unfortunately, Our Savior's immaculate foreskin is paying the price.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot