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Saturday, March 17, 2007

Nez's 2006 Colonizers of the Year Award!

HO CHI MINH CITY, Vietnam — Actress Angelina Jolie picked up a new Baby of Color (BoC) from a Vietnamese orphanage Thursday. She arrived carrying her 5-year-old Child of Color, Maddox (whom she adopted from nearby Cambodia in 2002), and wearing a huge pendant sporting a photograph of 2-year-old Zahara, whom she adopted from Ethiopia. Together, Jolie and her Latest Brown Baby (LBB) went to a ceremony where Jolie was expected to detour to Laos, so she could adopt a third non-White child, officials said. When pressed, Jolie would not swear that she wouldn't "browse a bit" if she found any "exceptionally exotic-looking" infants along the way.

Before that, Jolie and her latest BoC were expected at the Department of Justice in Ho Chi Minh City where an official ceremony complete with real Vietnamese people will be carried out to complete the adoption, "all offical-Vietnamish-style," according to the film star. Vietnamese adoption officials confirmed to The Associated Press that Jolie was adopting these two new children so she could "have her own little Starship Enterprise."

It's as if I am the female Kirk,' Jolie said wistfully, a well-manicured hand on both Maddox's and Zahara's heads. 'And I get to steer these various third-world ethnicities to new frontiers. I mean, you have to admit, my life is like Star Trek. Because every day with these children is exciting, strange, enriching contact with alien races...and I get to do really exotic hair styles on them that just wouldn't work with my own children!'

'Listen, I'm a beautiful white woman, and these kids should grow up seeing my beautiful face. It will make them feel happy inside. Like the light of opportunity is shining down upon them every morning. They can look up and see a movie-star mommy and daddy every single day, and this will let them know that anything is possible in this life.'

'...and unlike the character of Captain Kirk on the bridge, I can be the bridge for these kids. The bridge to a new, exciting, world of possibility and designer clothes.'

—Angelina Jolie, The Unapologetic Mexican's 2006 Colonizer of the Year

Jolie, looking smashing in a snug black skirt and shirt, was preceded at the orphanage by a phalanx of private security guards and a translater who explained to the local media what "phalanx" meant.

Hollywood superstar Brad Pitt, Jolie's partner, and Shiloh, their biological child, did not make the trip to Vietnam.

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nezua limón xolagrafik-jonez blogs as the unapologetic mexican, and spends his spare time creating sweet, tan, babies.

1 comment:

We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.