Chief of Staff
Office of the Deputy Attorney General
Dear Mr. Elston,
Congratulations on surviving the storm so far, and my condolences to your boss, Paul McNulty. The reason I am writing is to compliment you on the positive influence you’ve had on your little brother Rick.
You see, I recently wrote that you were Fredo’s goon for your part in silencing fired U.S. Attorneys John McKay, Paul Charlton, and Bud Cummins. Of course, I meant the term “goon” in the most positive sense—you know…as an important tool in the service of our Commander Guy.
Anyway, your little brother Rick left a comment objecting to my characterization of you as a goon. But Rick had a great point, because a week later, I heard John McKay describe your special skills much more eloquently. He compared your behavior to that of a thug. Naturally, I corrected my earlier mischaracterization, although Rick still had some issues.
Then just the other day little Rickie sent the following email to my work address:
Subject: You are an idiotHow absolutely adorable! You must be flattered that little Rick is following in big brother’s footsteps. With a little polish and shine, Rick will become a first rate thug. He is truly a credit to you and your whole family.
From: Rick Elston
Date: 5/15/2007 5:21 AM
Since you refuse to respond by e-mail, and decided to post my comments without a response, I decided to bug you at work. I plan on keeping it up until I hear back from you unless you have no response. You probably should spend more time at work and less on your blog and tinkering with planes and cars. For that matter, maybe you should spend more time tinkering with Karen, or whoever. You might not be such a small, spiteful person. Also, I now understand your issues with young people who have accomplished somehting. It seems to have taken you a long time to even make it out of college and it doesn't seem like you have accomplished much since. Have a good day!
Your friend (not),
Keep up the great work, Mike!
Update: more love from lil' Ricky.