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Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Mitt Romney's Europe for Dummies

Few people know that Mitt Romney is the author of a best selling series of travel guides. That's a shame, because I think his guides rank among the best. Heck. they're almost as good as the ones you get at Motel Six.

I'm sure you've all heard about him telling Regent University's Class of 2007 that people can enter into seven-year marriages in France. It sure seemed to surprise people, especially the French. But it wasn't a surprise to those of us who've read Mitt Romney's Europe for Dummies--it's on page 97.

Here are some of the other great tips you'll find there.

Page 12:

European Pharmacies - Always take the blue pill; it's a known quantity. The red pill will bring you nothing but trouble.

Page 43:

England, The Shire - Enjoy the food at breakfast, second breakfast, elevenses, luncheon, tea, dinner and supper, but don't smoke the brown pipeweed. The brown pipeweed is bad.

Page 47:

England, Nottingham - Avoid the Sheriff. Frank Miller and his gang are riding into town to kill him. It's best not to get involved.

Page 60:

Germany, Dusseldorf - The tunnel is under the stove and the coffeepot is a radio.

Page 68:

Sicily, Corleone - For God's sake don't let your wife start the car.

Page 76:

The Netherlands, Deventer -The purple pipeweed is good and the ladies are babalicious at Garth's Party On Cafe.

Page 92:

France, The Grail at Castle Anthrax - The grail is fake. It's merely a grail-shaped beacon. It is customary to punish those who lit it (Zoot, her identical sister, Dingo, and the other schoolgirls) by spanking them and allowing them to give you the oral sex.

Page 117:

Spain: Well I never been to Spain. But I kinda like the music. Say the ladies are insane there. And they sure know how to use it. They don't abuse it. Never gonna lose it. I can't refuse it, umm.

Elsewhere: OfPastordan wants to go to France and Jon Swift takes a look at what's on Mitt's bookshelf.

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