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Sunday, May 06, 2007

A Taste of the Living Water

Shirley Dobson, Chair
National Day of Prayer Task Force
c/o The 700 Club

Dear Mrs. Dobson,

You've really outdone yourself in organizing this year's National Day of Prayer. But I share in your disappointment that the "Bible Reading Marathon" held on the Capitol lawn attracted so few participants:

Organizers put out 600 folding chairs on the lawn -- the spot where presidents are inaugurated -- and set up a huge stage with powerful amplifiers. But at 9:30 a.m. yesterday, not one of the 600 seats was occupied. By 11 a.m., as a woman read a passage from Revelations, attendance had grown -- to four people. Finally, at 1 p.m., 37 of the 600 seats were occupied, though many of those people were tourists eating lunch.

Fundamentally you were on the right track by hiring Jeff Gannon as your spokesman. But it is clear that you can make much, much better use of Mr. Gannon's talents for drawing a crowd. Here's an idea for next year's National Day of Prayer that will pack the house.

You'll want to rent one of those portable party hot tubs for the event. Re-brand it the Bible Reading Marathon cum Baptism Festival with Mr. Gannon as the featured guest, of course.


During the festival, believers get a shot at joining Jeff for full body immersion--a re-baptism in the "living water" designed to fill 'em with the holy spirit.

And when Rev. Dobson makes that final call for non-believers to come forward and surrender themselves to Christ, those doing so would get the chance to experience His death, burial and resurrection through baptism--with a little help from Mr. Gannon.

Following the festival, turn the whole thing into an evening fundraiser called Fellowship with Jeff. Just install a disco ball over the hot tub, and charge $200 a head for admission.

Prayers made, souls saved, and money raised--I call that "mission accomplished!"

Yours verily,

Darryl
hominidviews.com

2 comments:

  1. Well, the Book of Revelations is a difficult text, with multi-layered levels of meaning. Sure, it's mostly a rant against the Roman Empire, but who knew that it also predicted the end times, the rapture and the primacy of the good ol' US of A? No wonder no one sat down to listen. It's beyond most people's comprehension. Let the Rev. Dobson explain it to us. My mind is too smal.

    ReplyDelete
  2. elqueso2:52 AM

    Wow. Trashing a religion is always a mature and glorious way of resolving differences. Well done.

    ReplyDelete

We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.