Help Me Reach 12 on the Manly Scale of Absolute Gender

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Friday, June 15, 2007

Fight or Flight in Massachusetts

Some will remember my last post, written aboard VP Cheney’s back-up Medevac Bombardier Challenger 300. Nub and I were flying from Dubai, bound for Lynchburg, my task to wax sadly over Pastor Falwell’s cold, cold body. For 6000 miles Nub played Snappy Flight Attendant, assaulting me with hot moist towels, chirpy offers of headphones and lurid commentary on the topography below. He gives me the puckers is what he does. When Medevac II landed, a car was waiting, Nub went into Snappy Chauffeur mode and we were off to boo, hoo, hoo for Falwell and then, ‘Hah hah hah, bite me’ to one and all at the Creation Museum gala. The rest of my itinerary is none of your business but it was intense. Your peek-a-boo at my diary, however thrilling, is meant to be cautionary.

Who do you fly?
you might as well start waiting for that first Nubbish tendency to manifest. I can hear you now, ‘I’m totally down with the boycott, stinkeye, but I have no control over connecting flights and I’ve been holding at 5 on the gender scale of 10 for years.’ ‘I’m in a sorority and the other girls hate because I’m so pretty, the stuff of any Young Republican’s fancy, whadda I have to be afraid of?' True perhaps, yesterday. But today? For whom does the clock tick? Will you meet the test and learn if you are all you can be?

The Agenda has swept the series!!!! Apparently, while I was in the Emirates, the Squadristi insufficiently softened The Agenda’s puppets in the Legislature. Slacker thugs are the worst. Properly motivated by the tutti di tutti of the outfit, glowering promises were made about retribution on the State House steps. We’ll see. Rid of them, I checked my inbox to see if the Chinese venture capitalists had made good on Paypal. They had. The contract for all Honorable Franchise rights is on the way, fellas.

I opened the next email.

God damn, they're good! Mere minutes after ramming Equal Rights down Virtue’s pie hole, here in the Commonwealth, The Agenda was spinning its sticky web all over the tubes. They know what you like, what you really like. You like free things!
Boom! Bam! You never even saw it coming!

If, on the slim chance you’re as steely as me, you will continue to sleep the sleep of the morally superior. If you’re not steely, you’re screwed. Are you steely, soldier?

(Gawd damn unabbreviated links)

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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.