Help Me Reach 12 on the Manly Scale of Absolute Gender

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Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Objectifying Eve

[Note from Jimmy: I've been fielding emails for the General today and Cletus just sent this in.]

Dear Mister Looy,

I think the Creation Museum's is just great. Momma said she was going to buy me a season pass. After all, what better way to pass them hot summer afternoons then re-living my childhood fantasies; like riding dinosaurs into battle with the great Crusades against the evil Muslimofacistic empires. You guys really know how to make a guy feel young again.

But your Adam and Eve Exhibit has upset my loins and brings back fantasies and other bad memories that are supposed to be strictly family matters. And sir, I'm afraid to talk about them. If my mother finds out I'd be damned. And I'll tell ya she isn't afraid to use the Tabasco sauce to "purge" my sinful urges. I trust you won't tell her so I will just say it... Eve is hot. Damn hot. If I had a lick of sense I wouldn't be telling you this, and I know she is just a mannequin and all, but your Eve makes my dog patch hot as Georgia asphalt.

Mother would never approve of such talk so please don't tell her cause we were at the Mall this one time and she told me to go to the food court. Well, she came looking for me and when I wasn't there, she went looking for me some more. She finally found me in front of the Victoria's Secret store. I was just sitting there on the bench... honest. And I told Momma "but Momma, she's got clothes on... just like Daisy Duke!", but she didn't seem to understand and that is when I found out what Tabasco sauce was really for.

I didn't know nuthin' then about the objectifying of womens, much less what it had to do with Victoria's Secret, and frankly, I'm still not sure what it all means. But Momma made me walk around with some sign for 5 days after that, and I'll never forget it.

Anyway, everything is OK now but I had one other question about the Stargazer's Planetarium:
Each seat is a rocket launching pad in our Stargazers Planetarium. Prepare for lift-off. The digital projector showcases a spectacular gravity-defying spaceflight, a thrilling 22-minute ride billions of light years away to the vast outer regions of our universe. Breathtaking images and inconceivable distances make this cosmic journey under the dome a fully engaging experience.

I'm confused... Billions of "light years away" suggests God was doing a whole lot of other stuff before he got around to us. Yer just trying to keep us on our toes, right?


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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.