Daddy is a Rapist

Sen. Sam Brownback
Candidate for President

Dear Sen. Brownback,

You must be very pleased with the "abortion is murder" offensive your campaign launched so effectively last week. If not, you should be. It's helped you firmly establish yourself in sixth place in recent polling. It's now time to take the next step and clobber your competition by unveiling a complete strategy for dealing with pregnancy resulting from rape.

You did an excellent job introducing the issue at the St. Joseph's Covenant Keepers convention on Saturday. Your suggestion that pregnant rape victims be forced to give birth had every man in the room, even those who haven't raped a woman (the priests for instance), standing and cheering. Now, it's time to give the issue more substance by adding a few specifics and turning it into a plan.

Let's begin with finding a way to ensure that the mother-victim brings her little fetus-American to term. It's much harder to guarantee that outcome than you might think . Believe it or not, most women are extremely reluctant to give birth to a rapist's baby. No, I don't understand it either, but then again, I don't understand why ofJoshua vomits every time we make love. It's just how women are I guess.

Anyway, there's only one way to prevent them from seeking abortions or otherwise inducing their own miscarriages. We'll need to put their fetuses into protective custody. That means incarcerating the mother-victim. We can then ensure that she eats right and gets the medical attention she and her little fetus-American require. It also gives us an opportunity to educate her about dressing modestly so she doesn't repeat her mistake. But most importantly, we can use the time to provide marital counseling to her and her rapist so the baby has the benefit of being raised by both parents just as God ordains.

Well, that's a good start, but you'll need to flesh it out a bit. I'll be glad to help in any way I can.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot