Sen. Joe Lieberman
United States Senate
Dear Sen. Lieberman,
I want to thank you for coordinating with the White House to get this war with Iran underway. Given the tremendous success we're seeing in Iraq, it makes a lot of sense to open up a third front in this phase of Our Glorious Eternal War to Resubjugate Brown People. Heck, I think a great case can even be made to open up a fourth front, and that's why I'm sending you this note.
As you know, Hugo Chavez has been a thorn in our side ever since we we tried to save Venezuelan democracy by backing a military coup against him. Over the last couple of years some of our most trusted neoconservative spokesmen have exposed Chavez's ties to Islamunistofascist terrorist groups, his attempts to build a nuclear bomb, and his acquisition of Vogon Star Destroyers (the latter with the help of Bill and Hillary Clinton and your old nemesis, The Clenis). I'd like to add one more crime to the list. Hugo Chavez is working on the homosexual bomb.
You know what I'm talking about. According to the Pentagon, we've been working to develop the same capability (I hope they called it Project Strangelove). We ultimately killed the project, because it would be immoral to build such a weapon. Unfortunately, Chavez doesn't have the same moral constraints. He's willing to commit even the most immoral acts, including using a homosexual bomb, to get his way. That's why it so important that we act quickly, with a preemptive nuclear strike if necessary, to stop him from developing this perverse weapon.
I hope you are working as hard on this as you are on finding a pretext to invade Iran. Our country risks damnation if Chavez is successful.
Gen. JC Christian, patriot