They hate us for our Hot Dog On A Stick

Michelle Bachmann
US House of Representatives

Dear Rep. Bachmann,

Of all the special skills you bring to Congress, I think I'm most impressed by your powers of perception. I mean by now, what, hundreds?, of political officials have journeyed to Iraq in search of the perfect photo op and none of them, not a single one, has made as an astute observation as you did earlier this month:

It's absolutely *huge*. I turned to my colleagues and said there's a commonality with the Mall of America, in that it's at that proportion.

I think you're onto something here. Why don't we turn the Mall of America into a 1:1 scale model of Iraq and use it for training our troops. The food court could become the Green Zone. And we could turn The Pottery Barn into Iran and the Sunglass Hut into Saudi Arabia (That is if they are on opposite sides of the mall. We'd hate to have infiltrating Saudi jihadists in the line of fire between us and the Iranians. Bandar Bush wouldn't like that).

It'd also be a better place to do photo ops. I'm sure Lindsey Graham can find the same great deals on rugs at Crate and Barrel that he gets in the Green Zone--C&B has lobbyists, don't they--and he won't need to bring a whole division with him to do it.

Please give my ideas some thought.

Oh, and hey, have you ever noticed how much Vikings Stadium looks like Venezuela?

Heterosexually yours in a chaste and biblically appropriate kind of way,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot