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Sunday, September 09, 2007

Dear Lord, it's time for a Sunday Morning Prayer

Dear Gentle Readers,

Here we are with another beautiful Sunday morning upon us. Unlike the rest of you, I have been up since the crack of dawn working on a lesson plan for the Joy II Sunday School class. While you were sleeping off the toxins from another night of debauchery and fornicating, I have been busy doing the Lord’s work.

It was just a few moments ago that I realized that it has been two weeks since my last Sunday morning prayer and for that I apologize. If anyone needs to be exposed to decency, high moral standards, and grace it’s these people, so here we go.

Dear Lord,

This morning we ask that as you are making your rounds, that you hover an extra moment or two above the homes of several United States Senators, and sprinkle a few extra blessings upon their roofs. First we have Nebraska’s Chuck Hagel, that RINO, who has done nothing but bellyache about our Commander in Chief and the war against terrorists.

Finally this shifty, spineless little man has decided to stop torturing America and retire. Well, good for him. If it is your will, Lord, smite this man with a case of shingles, or Behcet’s Syndrome for all the trouble he has caused the GOP. May he spend his retirement being just one big old pus filled boil waiting to be lanced – much like he has been during his entire career.

Next stop we plead you to visit the homes of Alaska Sen. Ted Stevens who falsely faces a federal corruption investigation, and the Christ-like Sen. Larry Craig, from Idaho who is being persecuted in the MSM after he rejected the advances of a homosexual police officer.

These two good, honorable men may as well be have been hung up on a cross and had nails driven into their perfectly manicured hands, much as your own boy did, simply for being Christian Republicans. Please, Father Lord, bless each of these men’s homes with the peace, joy, and agape love that they so richly deserve and send huge warring angels to protect and shield them from nosey reporters, lying Liberalists, and foot-tapping sodomites. Amen.

In His Service,

Mrs. T.D. Gaines-Crockett
Christian, Republican, Fair & Balanced Political Analyst

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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.