Update: Amy responds by editing Plank 7.5. More later.
Oregon Republican Party
Dear Mrs. Langdon,
We've had a pretty good run over the last six years. We've reclaimed torture and domestic spying as American values and finally brought down the twin tyrannies of due process and habeas corpus, but there is still much work to be done.
That's why I thought I'd check in with you to see what progress you've made on Oregon Republican Party Platform Plank 7.5, the one that calls for improvements in "Inter-jurisdictional agency cooperation" to bring about "more effective joint action against organized crime, drug cartels, terrorist networks and the Oregon Democratic Party." How's that coming along?
My concern is that with the departure of Karl Rove and Alberto Gonzales, there might not be the same level of inter-jurisdictional agency cooperation as there once was. What do you think? Are the citizens of Oregon getting all the help they need from the FBI, CIA, Secret Service, IRS, NSA, DHS, etc to combat "organized crime, drug cartels, terrorist networks and the Oregon Democratic Party?"
And what are you contributing to the effort? Does the state party have effective intelligence and active measures divisions? How many Young Republicans can you put on the street at any given moment to shut down a Democratic meeting? Are they well supplied? Do they have night sticks, tasers, pepper spray, brass knuckles, and Mayor Rudy's Little Black Book of 911 Quotations? Are they supplied with a fetching utility belt on which to carry these tools? Are they properly uniformed in Doc Martens and brown shirts? Have you issued chaps and poppers to your legislative caucus interns?
I think we both know that we are not going to see the level of service to which we've grown accustomed to receiving from the feds. You're going to have to step up and assume more responsibility in combating the criminals, terrorists, and Democrats in your state.
Heterosexually yours in a chaste, biblically appropriate, and Larry Craig kind of way,
Gen. JC Christian, patriot