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Friday, January 25, 2008

Improving the Embryo-American Adoption Curriculum

Most Rev. Edwin Frederick O'Brien
15th Archbishop of Baltimore

Your Excellency,

I'm a huge fan of your Embryo-American adoption program. The kids in your schools must be absolutely thrilled to be able to adopt, name, and thrown birthday parties for their own cellular citizens. But I wonder if that's enough. Shouldn't the students also be looking after their Embryo-American's spiritual needs? Isn't it time to add a spiritual element to the adoption program.

Think of the learning possibilities such an adaptation would provide to the students. They could make tiny rosaries for the embryos to use in prayer. You could bring in the clients of a local pregnancy crisis center and have the children give the rosaries directly to the Embryo-Americans. The students could also mentor the little adoptees by yelling the rosary prayers right into the womb. What a bonding experience that would be!

And what about baptism? How many Embryo-Americans are currently going to Hell because they pass on before their post-birth baptism? Shouldn't we be doing them earlier? I'm sure the kids would love decorating special baptism bags and syringes with pictures of the blessed virgin, pinto beans, and glitter.

If you think about it, the list of possibilities is endless. The kids could make little outfits for twin embryos to wear so they aren't tempted into sin by each other's nakedness. I could probably think of a hundred more by tomorrow morning.

We should get together and talk about it.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

A helmet tip to commenter Aunty Nym.

Elsewhere: NBFH is adopting her own cold little bastards.

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