Liberal Baathism

Jonah Goldberg
Fascist Finder

cc: John Ray

Dear Mr. Goldberg,

I'm a huge fan of your writing and a great admirer of your intellectual abilities. While reading your work, I'm often reminded of the other two great writers and thinkers of my lifetime, Al Capp and Bill Keane. You're just that good.

That's why I'm always excited when you introduce us to another writer whom you find interesting, like you did yesterday, when you linked to a particularly fascinating post by John Ray. His analysis of the similarity between Obama's call for unity and the Nazi slogan, "Ein Volk, ein Reich, ein Fuhrer," was as inspired as the claims you make in your own book. "Liberal Fascism."

I am curious, however, why neither you nor Mr. Ray have applied the same kind of analysis to your critics, particularly David Neiwart, who publishes the blog, Orcinus. Certainly, you've both noticed that "Dinar Dive Wet" is an anagram of his name. Combine that with his love for marine mammals and it's hard not to come to the conclusion that Neiwart was a high-ranking official in the Iraq Baathist Party and was likely responsible for making Saddam's huge WsMD stockpile disappear by hiding it on the bottom of the Tigris or Euphrates.

Perhaps you should consider doing a little more investigation into that. Who knows, you might catch the attention of our Vice President and land yourself a job as chief of the Iran Desk at the CIA.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Update:

Jonah gets another letter.

Update II: Mr. Neiw"e"rt thinks he can discredit my hypothesis by changing the spelling of his name and thus altering the anagram to "Diner Dive Wet." Well, he's not fooling anyone. When I think "diner." I think "art deco." And when I think "art deco" I think "Berlin, 1937." Yes, Hitler's Berlin, which I often compare to Saddam's Baghdad when I'm drinking behind the bowling alley with my friends. So you see my hypotheses isn't discredited after all, is it!