Rep. Curtis Bowers
Idaho State House of Representatives
Dear Rep. Bowers,
I salute you. It takes a lot of guts to grow a goatee and infiltrate a communist meeting, but by God, I'm glad you did it. If you hadn't, we may have never learned that the homosexual movement is nothing more than a communist operation to destroy America by first destroying the American Family.
Now it's time to take the next step and infiltrate the comusexual's Idaho headquarters, a bar called the The Sheepherder's Secret in Soda Springs. It's not going to be easy. It'll take more than a goatee to get in there this time. We'll need to break out our nipple chains, leather jock straps, and ass chaps. You know the kind of chaps I'm talking about: red leather, gold hammer and sickle, chaps so sexy it's like they have "seize my means of production" written all over them.
And we're going to have to speak their lingo too. No "Hi, nice to meet you" when we arrive there. It's "Socialist greetings comrade sailor. Let us celebrate the joys of dialectical materialism by placing our party organs in each others' proletariat."
Now that I think more about it, I realize it's going to take a lot of preparation to pull this off. Maybe you could join me in my trailer for a weekend. We could practice and work out and watch my extensive collection of gladiator movies. Do you have a gladiator outfit?
Gen. JC Christian, patriot