Animal Terrorism

Tom Remington
Black Bear Blog

Dear Mr. Remington,

I think you and Jim Beers are onto something (hmmmmm...Beers and Remington...I like that. Makes me think of Dick Cheney):

I believe the entire predator “push” from grizzly increases in range and numbers; to limiting methods of take of cougars (dogs, on-sight as depredating, seasons); to federal requirements (in the works as grant requirements) to make cougars invading places like Iowa, Kansas, etc. Protected Native Species and not classified as unprotected so that any take is difficult; to keeping black bears on the Threatened List in LA and FL (and adding other states opportunistically) and claiming large tracts of Florida as “Florida Panther” Critical Habitat — all are seriously jeopardizing the future of our 2nd Amendment Rights.

I don't know why I didn't see it earlier. Wolves, bears, and cougars are at the center of a grand conspiracy to take our guns away. If we allow that to happen, all we'll have left are our Hummers and Dodge Rams. And as you point out, the polar bears are out to get them. Then the feminists will simply pick us off, one emasculated shell of a man at a time.

For years, the patriots at the National Rifle Association have warned us about the threat of animal terrorism. Now the forces of predatorofascism are making their big play by attempting to disarm us. Fortunately, they didn't catch us completely off guard. The good people of Wyoming launched a preemptive attack against the wolves a couple of week's ago when they were delisted as an endangered species. Hundreds of the Cowboy State's finest swarmed the hills immediately to take advantage of the state's "shoot on sight" designation for the four-legged terrorists. In the first week alone, they exterminated over 3.4% of Wyoming's wolf population. Eleven wolves, perhaps an entire pack, were killed in one county alone.

It's time for us to take up our rifles and beer coolers and join them. I think you are the perfect candidate to lead the fight. Let us not rest until the last cougar, wolf, grizzly, polar, or black bear is wiped off the planet. Only then may we address the next great threat, whalofascism.

Heterosexually and large caliberedly yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot