Sen. McCain responds to home crisis

Thank you, General, for allowing me to use your electrical typing intertubes pamphlet machine to talk about the housing crisis. It's an issue that's very important to folks. That's why you see so many people on the tee vee worrying about losing their homes.

I'm one of those people. I've lost complete track of how many homes I own. I know it's more than one. People are saying it could be as many as a dozen. I don't know and, frankly, I don't care.

All that matters to me is that my driver knows where my homes are and that each of them has a tee vee that gets Matlock. What else does a guy need for Christ's sake?

Well, I suppose the putting greens are important too, them, and the swimming pools. God knows what we'd do without them. It's what makes us Americans. Without them, we'd all be Mexicans--hot, sweating, soccer-playing Mexicans who don't even get Matlock.

I guess what I'm trying to say here is that there is no housing crisis. You aren't really losing your homes. Your driver knows where they are. So quit bitching to the reporters and drink your god damn mai tai. America has much more serious problems to address. Our nation's in the middle of a private greenskeeper shortage for hells sake. Let's forget about this silly housing crisis and start looking for solutions to fix that.