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Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Clean Creation Technology

Arthur Blessit

Dear Mr. Blessit,

I'll just come right out and say it. Your plan to put a cross into orbit is misguided.By your own admission, no one will be able to see it. What purpose does that serve? What is the value of a cross that can't be seen?

I want you to do something. Please go outside on Christmas Eve, the night before one of our holiest holidays,and look at the moon. Do you know what you'll see? It won't be a cross; it'll be a crescent moon, the symbol of Islam. Everyone in the Northern Hemisphere will see it. How can an invisible cross beat that?

Forget about your puny dream of launching a little girly-cross into orbit. Your plan needs to be much more ambitious if you're going to upstage the Muslims. Think big; launch a project to sculpt the moon into a giant cross.

Yes, I know it sounds too expensive to carry out, and that'd be true if you limited your approach to the use of secular technology. But you're an evangelist, damn it. You can cut a lot of the cost by employing the many faith-based technologies we've acquired from the pure research being conducted in the field of creation science.

Think about it. If God can create man out of a wad of clay and woman out of a rib, He can build a space station, an arsenal of sculpting nukes, and the spacecraft to transport it all out of a really big pile of dirt. The only thing needed beyond that is a whole crapload of faith.

And thanks to the good people behind Clean Coal, we can find both a big pile of dirt and a concentration of faith in the same place, the national mountain top removal clean coal mining and Christian soul-saving paradise that stretches across parts of Tennessee, Kentucky, West Virginia, and Virginia. There's lots of dirt there--they've filled whole valleys with mine tailings--and there's even more God-fearing conservative evangelicals. It's the perfect place for a faith and creation based space program.

I'm sure the clean coal people would be happy to donate their former mountain tops to the project. Their environmental strategies have always been faith-based. And Lord knows, the locals will jump at the chance to prove creation science's validity. All they need is someone to lead them in prayer. You're obviously that guy.

There you have it, a plan for a project that boldly announces to the universe that Earth is a Christian planet. now, get 'er done.

Heterosexually yours, 

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.