Help Me Reach 12 on the Manly Scale of Absolute Gender

If you like the patriotic work we're doing, please consider donating a few dollars. We could use it. (if asked for my email, use "")

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Supporting the Troops' Commanders

Lt Col. Lance Kohler
Commander, Rear Detachment
2nd Brigade Combat Team
4th Infantry Division

Dear Lt. Col. Kohler,

Combat duty changes a man. Many come home to serve their communities with a greater appreciation for life, family, and duty. A few return consumed by anger and parley their passion for sadism into a command position in a brigade combat team. Others take the wussy way out by choosing to be stricken by post-traumatic stress disorder and attempting suicide.

Pvt. Adam Lieberman, a man unworthy to pick the fungus from your necklace of human ears, joined the latter group when he downed a bottle of pills in an attempt to take his own life.

As his commander, it was your duty to respond to Lieberman's desperate cry for help, and you did so in a way that must have put a smile on Gen. Patton's face as he looked up at you from his quarters in the afterlife.

A weaker, more compassionate commander would have provided psychological counseling to Pvt. Lieberman and placed him in a PTSD treatment program, but you chose another course. Angry that he'd defaced government property by painting his suicide note on a barracks wall, you ordered his mother to do the same to her home, threatening her with a court martial for her son if she failed to acquiesce to your will. Then, after she did as you instructed, you charged him anyway.

That response was as near perfect a demonstration of sheer ruthlessness and absolute sadism as I can imagine. It lacks only a hard kick to the groin to achieve total perfection, but perhaps you aren't finished yet.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot


  1. I am ashamed to report that, having again managed to escape from the zenana, my inner frenchwoman fainted dead away after reading this post, but then she's like that, the useless histrionic bitch.

  2. What an edifying story. Fuck the Lt. Col. Hard.

  3. Can I have a necklace of human ears?

  4. JAYZUS!!!! If a soldier can't top himself given the array of guns, high explosives and suicide missions the military happily provides, he has no place in this man's Army. A court martial's too good fer 'im.

  5. Meet the new boss, same as the old boss... Saddam and his sons are smiling down on the colonel.

  6. A copy of my email to the Lt. Col
    I suggest each of you who wrote here e mail him.
    And then send a letter to your senator and/or representative.

    Perhaps you should receive counseling for your own issues. To belittle somebody who is in your care and then to do the same to their family, it outrageous. And then to go back on your word!
    How un military of you!
    Sir, May God have mercy on your soul.

  7. Have I mentioned lately that I love you?

  8. Bukko that's the thing, incompetence, that tipped the Colonel..., to botch your own suicide, well that kind of incompetence reflects poorly on our whole armed services.

    I think the Colonel is being remarkably restrained under the circumstances and considering the stress he must be under. If the Colonel can't train his troops to kill themselves in an expeditious manner how the hell can he expect them to kill the other guys who AREN'T cooperating? I think the Colonel ought to be up on charges himself unless he can show that his troops at least know how to kill themselves and that this guy is somekind of aberration. Hopefully, the successful suicide rate of troops under his command might provide some exonerating statistics. Respectfully submitted in a Chrestinly inspirational spirit. Have a blessed day.

  9. Lt Col. Lance Kohler

    Death dealer #1.
    I'd take a bullwhip to him if I could.

  10. I'm a little confused on the issue of painting over the note or recreating it at home. Still it made my skin crawl to read the linked article.

    Sir, I am no fan of the military, however I value the sacrifice that our men in arms make for us. I feel they should be treated with respect from the time they sign up to the time they die (hopefully of natural causes many years after their service). Here's what should be written on Lance's prison cell wall, "I am a cold, heartless and cruel bottom dweller". I hope he is visited in his cell by many of his fellow heartless bastards for multiple forced sessions of little soldier insertions.

  11. Clearly, it was that insufficiently obedient mother that caused the good Lt. Col. to have no choice but to throw that failure of a suicide under the proverbial bus!

  12. Is anyone else having a heck of a time posting? I can't get the Google Account to come up as a comment option in Firefox. This and the previous comment were in IE.


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.