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Monday, April 13, 2009

Palin's AG pick best thing since crotchless pantaloons

Serrin M. Foster
Feminists for Life of America

Dear Mrs Foster,

As one of Sarah Palin's staunchest defenders, no doubt you are appalled by the public reaction to her Attorney General pick. Obviously, the press is, once again, trying to destroy her by questioning Wayne Anthony Ross's fitness to be AG. They despise her because she is a accomplished woman who fights for the most important feminist values, the same values Ross promotes when he suggests that husbands should be allowed to rape their wives.

Surely, there is nothing more feminist in its very nature than spousal rape. It empowers wives by providing them with the means of gratifying the head of household even when they are not in the mood. If you look at it that way, support for spousal rape is perhaps the greatest innovation in feminist thinking since crotchless pantaloons.

Heterosexually yours in a chaste and biblically appropriate kind of way,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot


  1. Well I'm glad I re-read this more carefully, because the first time I scanned it, I thought it said A-I-G, like the insurance company that turned into a money-scamming operation. And as much as I love the image of futurePresident Palin in crotchless pantaloons, it harshes my buzz when I get pasty white middle-aged corporate crooks in the fantasy.

    Unless maybe they're giving her millions of dollars in bonus money just so they can get a look, while she gyrates and issues proclamations. Hey, that's an image that's starting to work for me. Excuse me -- I have to go talk to a man about a watermelon...

  2. General Sir!

    I think i know where the good Governor is going with this: Once a man rapes his wife and 'discliplines' his wife and their children into silence, he should be hunted from a small aircraft and shot like the animal that he is.

    See? It's all good.

  3. You must discipline the children
    They must learn to toe the line
    Smack them with a paddle
    Make them rosy, their behinds

    Beat them with a widget
    Spank them with a belt
    Oh, such turgid splendor
    The naked bottoms that you've felt!

    Rape the wife? Not hardly
    She's the cow and you're the bull
    She most likely will not notice
    Though you've entered her most full

    It can't be rape if her insides
    Diminish manly meat
    For though you are on offense
    You will leave in soft retreat

    So beat the children soundly
    And make your wife submit
    It is a Christian nation
    That's why it hurts a bit


  4. This comment has been removed by the author.

  5. One of course wonders how it could have taken something like this so long to happen!

    Heterosexually yours (well, mostly),
    An Onlooker

  6. General, Sir:

    That photo of the Impalinator? It looks as though she's sat on something that doesn't agree with her.

  7. My wife raped me once. It was back during our courtship, perhaps our eleventh or twelfth date.

    It started with an insinuation on her part that I countered by explaining my chastity bracelet. Then came the words, "Twelve dates, mutherfucker, it's time for lubricant." Then came thirteen hours of terrible, terrible things that I still can't bring myself to regret.

    Two weeks later we were married and, after some years together now, I can honestly say that my complete and almost dog-like submission to her sexual will is the cornerstone of our marriage.

  8. Thomas:

    That sounds like absolute horsebunkum to me--and any other 110%+ member of the GC(Cubed)R--for the following reasons.

    A.) No self-respecting man would ever let himself be dominated by a woman. That doesn't mean you can't pretend that they're in charge by letting them ride you like the mechanical bull at "Feelin' Good Gents' Club".

    2.) Notmen are not slaves to sex, as they can't have origamiasms. They got no manquipment so how they gonna have manpleasure?

    d.) I'm sure it was important, but I forgot--no, wait. Shopping, that's what women do to display their superiority. Yeah, that's it, shopping. They go shopping with your neighbor (the single guy who's always braggin' on all of his MILF conquests. And when they're not shopping, they're over at his house, looking at catalogs or videos on his farsee device.

    I think brother Thomas, the you been hoodwinked.

  9. I have one word for Palin and her toady: burkhas. It would have to be an American/Christian variety, but if we are to embrace all that is good from islamoextremists, this one looks to be a winner. The mind boggles, and I've already applied for the patent.

  10. Hmm... Crotchless pantaloons might actually improve Gov. Palin's standing in the polls...

  11. Moondancer: Have you applied for a patent on crotchless burqas? Or maybe a burqa with a tear-away crotch that attaches with Velcro? (For decency's sake. Plus, think what hella fun that would be to do!) Be honest now -- if you haven't done it, I'm headed to the patent office for that honey today!

  12. My question is, when are Brother Stucky and Pastor Anderson gonna move up to Alaska and join up with the rest of the American Taliban?


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.