Help Me Reach 12 on the Manly Scale of Absolute Gender

If you like the patriotic work we're doing, please consider donating a few dollars. We could use it. (if asked for my email, use "")

Friday, April 10, 2009

Satan wields a nasty tazer

Why would a police chief do this:
The former Oakwood police chief who was arrested early Monday morning in Palestine remained in the Leon County Jail Wednesday amid allegations he held his wife captive and used a taser on her.

Oly Yahnson Ivy, 30, was being held in the Leon County Jail in Centerville Wednesday in lieu of a $100,000 bond on the felony charge of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon.

Ivy had been Oakwood’s police chief and one-man force for slightly more than two months prior to his arrest by Anderson County sheriff’s authorities shortly after 2 a.m. Monday.
My guess is that Oakwood has the same Satan problem Anchorage has:
He instructed police officers that if they were not ‘Christian’, not to approach a satanic crime scene, or ‘demons will jump on you.’ …He also made very blatant statements about law enforcement academies attempting to ‘brainwash’ its attendants into satanism. APD’s [Anchorage's] academy was singled out, and an officer ‘witnessed’ to the fact that he had been required to listen to a tape which so influenced him.


  1. What about if those Anchorage officers aren't strong Christians? Suppose they go to church every Wednesday and twice on Sundays, but they fall asleep or have impure thoughts about cute teenage boy in the pew across the aisle? Might that be the chink (no offence to people who couldn't help being born Oriental) in their body armour for Satan to leap in?

    I think the only solution is to have a squad of ordained ministers who pack guns. THEY can investigate he Satanic crimes in Alaska's biggest city. From the sound of it, there's a lot of that going on. Does Sarah Palin know?

  2. General, Sir:

    I can tell you, from personal experience, that shouting, "Get thee behind me, minion of SATAN" at a police officer will not have a desirable effect.

  3. I think I saw this in Police Academy 12: Demon Uprising. Fewer laughs, more mayhem in that one.


  4. What's yer point, son?

  5. When a cop has impure thought, he should definitely use his tazer on his own testicles. That's the only guaranteed methods of ridding oneself of those demons. It says so in the Tazer sales literature and it's been scientifically proven by the Opus Dei.

  6. Sounds like some one skipped services on cast out the witches and demons day at Sarah's fave church.

  7. Just as every cop is a criminal
    And all the sinners saints
    As heads is tails just call me Lucifer
    Cause I’m in need of some restraint …

    Oh, great. Now I’ll have that song stuck in my head all day.

  8. Your boy Anderson got tasered yesterday too


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.