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Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Another Amazon Review: "The Tea Party Movement"

This time, I review The Tea Party Movement: Why It Started, What It's About, and How You Can Get Involved. If you enjoy it, please consider voting for it so it will be listed as the top positive review.

Here it is:
5.0 out of 5 stars Frightened Middle-Aged White Guys are People TooMay 11, 2009
By Gen. JC Christian, patriot (Tremonton, UT United States) - See all my reviews
On April 15, 2009, many Americans got their first glimpse of the Tea Party Movement and were very confused. To most, it appeared to be little more than a big dark exhaust cloud of unfocused anger or some strange tribal dance where portly middle-aged men wearing way-too-tight Harley leathers performed rites to exorcise a legion of demons who were tromping across their collective lawns.

That was not the intention of the Movement's creators. They envisioned a well-organized, lobbyist-directed movement that could mobilize nervous middle and working class people to defend the aristocracy's god-given right to rule.

This book is a part of an effort to bring the Movement's focus back to what its creators intended it to be. The author does it by packaging the aristocracy's demands as history and calling it patriotism.

Certainly, anyone who's spent more than five minutes studying the Tea Party Movement finds the whole connection to the Boston Tea party to be ludicrous. Sam Adams and the gang weren't dumping tea in order to get some tory fat cat a tax cut. They were protesting taxation without representation, something that does not exist in the modern US anywhere except within the District of Columbia. And Lord knows, no Tea Party activist wants to give DC congressional representation--it's a bit too swarthy, and therefore, too scary, a place for us.

But it isn't important whether anyone actually believes there's a relationship between the Movement and the founding fathers--the important thing is that we can point to this book and say that's what we're doing as we mumble about a black man in the White House under our breath.

And that's why this book gets 5 stars. It gives us an excuse. It allows us to hide our righteous conservative bigotry underneath the layers upon layers of Gadsden flags we've wrapped around ourselves.


  1. A perfect review! A 10! Nay, an eleven!++++

  2. Yes, yes, and yes! Right on! Great Review! The Tea Party connection is totally implausible. Quoting Wikipedia: "The price of legally imported tea was actually reduced by the Tea Act of 1773." The original Tea Party was a reaction to a TAX CUT. Some for "Tax with Rep" reasons and many others were smugglers protecting their illicit Dutch tea trade. Citation:

  3. General, Sir:

    I think correspondent "Any" is correct in his factificationess. Whatever.

    Here's what's really important.

    The Tamil Tigers blew up a hospital in Sri Lanka yesterday, killing 49 people. Yusuf Islam (a/k/a "Cat" Stevens did his first U.S. show in 33 years, last night. Coinkydink? I doubt it. While the Islamotroubafascist was lulling us into lulliness with old songs like "Taking a walk on the wild world peace train", his fellow islamokillers were whacking all sorts of people in Sri Lank--, oh, wait; they're sortabrowns, aren't they! Nevermind. Buy Mr. Islam's new CD or illegally download it if that's your thing.

  4. So now tea-bagging is a "movement" eh? I think they should have called them "bowel" parties, then. Amongst the age group drawn to those protests, I reckon that the "bowel movement" is more important than sex. Especially sex of the teabagging kind. If they called it "The Bowel Movement" the teabaggers would be craptastically happy to have one every day!

    Demo: I think it's the "Taliban Tigers" you need to be worried about, not the Tamil kind. Those Tamil Tigers are extra-brown types who follow oneathem Hindoostainy religions with all sorts of pagan elephant gods with multiple arms. They're fighting the godless pacifist Buddhists -- you know they're evil, because they call themselves Sinhalese -- who tend to be lighterbrown.

    Oneathereasons I know this is because a couple weeks ago I almost got run over by a motorcade of people waving these rilly-cool flagsout the windows of their cars. I thought there was a footy game involving the Richmond Tigers AFL club and wondered when they added rifles to their team banner. It seemed a bit martial for a sporting side.

    I asked oneathefellas in oneathem cars that stopped at the traffic light who they were playing that day, and he set me straight. I also asked if their group was selling T-shirts with the logo. He started yelling something about "We are fighting for the lives of our people, not selling T-shirts!" and I thought the situation might go all pear-shaped, but the light changed and his car left.

    A Hindyin nurse I work with has since informed me that these Tamil Tigers are considered to be an international terrorist group, so it would be majorly uncool if I was to walk around sporting their team's colours. I might even be set upon by people from that Sinnyleaves group. If there's oneathing I don't wanna do, it's get in a fight with an angry Buddhist. I used to watch "Kung Fu," after all.

  5. Wow General! Who knew you were the Zinn of Christo-conservatism? Instant history for the twittering masses. Well done.

  6. Beautiful and accurate review. One that all of us conservative patriots can be proud to embrace like an alter boy before a midnight mass.

    I'm very impressed with your blog. Now that the evil leftist print media has begun to take its rightful place in hell, one propagandist newspaper at a time, I've taken to printing out the front page of your blog, rolling it up nice and tight and using that when my wife needs a good beating. If I use a nice high quality paper stock, it makes for quite the righteous rod of redemption.

    I look forward to reading your review of "Shocked by the Bible," by Joe Kovacs.

  7. Kelly W. Patterson:

    I'm sure you're just being a kidder. There is only one "Righteous Rod of Redemption" and it's seamlessly attached to our General (may his name be exalted). I'm sure that the "faux Rod of Redemption" is suited for its purpose, though.

  8. One only wishes some of these morons didn't have the representation that comes with the taxation.

  9. General, Sir:

    Exactly. Fucking. Right. I could not explain to my own satisfaction (not to mention my wife's satisfaction but her satisfaction is a subject best left to another time and another forum; when will the Friday sex advice from The General resume, anyway?) what this whole "teabagging" thing was all about. You nailed it, as usual. (And don't miss the comments on Amazon, they made me laugh out loud and I have a sad today.)

  10. Anonymous3:01 PM

    The Gen’rul sez, “They were protesting taxation without representation, something that does not exist in the modern US anywhere except within the District of Columbia.”

    Except maybe Puerto Rico.

    I guess those teabaggers’ll all be joining the FALN now.


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.