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Thursday, June 04, 2009

The Blessing of the Rifles

Dr. Tim Harlow
Senior Pastor
Parkview Christian Church

cc: Jill Stanek
Pro-Life Pulse

Dear Pastor Harlow,

I'll admit it I'm ashamed that so many of us in the compelled birth movement have been slow to target another abortion provider so soon after Dr. Tiller's assassination. I guess we're just a little too afraid of being accused of inciting murder. But thank God one of your parishioners is made of stronger stuff. Jill Stanek couldn't even wait until Tiller's family had laid him to rest before announcing the next target, Dr. LeRoy Carhart. It's no wonder she's recognized as a national leader of the compelled birth movement.

And I have to say, she's assembled a fantastic intelligence dossier on him, complete with photos of his clinic and links to a page listing his home and work addresses as well as photos of his wife and daughter. Lord knows, that's the kind of information the shooters will need.

I have to wonder, however, if you're giving her as much help as she deserves. I mean, hey, she's providing a lot of free publicity for your church, I think the least you could do is offer to hold a rifle blessing service in her honor.

I hope you'll consider doing so.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

p.s. Please keep an eye on your associate pastors. A couple look a little "funny" to me.

A helmet tip to Feministe.

21 comments:

  1. You're being modest, General. ALL of those associate pastors look "funny." Must be a lively congregation.

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  2. General, Sir:

    Okay, I ain't gonna say it, and get another comment deleted but, wtf? That Stanek woman is crazier than shit, meaner than a rattlesnake and uglier than a truckload of puke. That's okay, right?

    Doesn't the U.S. government have some sort of investigative arm like umm, the Fucking Bunglers of Investigations that keep an eye on folks like her.

    You ain't trickin' me, Sir, I ain't lookin' at no pitchers of preachers that are teh GAY.

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  3. A truckload of puke? Wouldn't it go bad?

    ++++

    If our country's intramural war ramps up my money is on the fundies: they have lots of guns and situational ethics. Teach them to eat human flesh and they will never look back!

    ++++

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  4. A truckload of puke? Wouldn't it go bad?

    Check the 'sell by' date before you buy it.

    Y'know, mjs, you may accidentally be on to something with the human flesh idea. The fundies want more humans born, but don't care about humans after they are born. Hmmmmmm. More humans. No value except to be born. Hmmmm. Has anyone ever considered the V theory?

    The fundies are really reptilian aliens wanting us as a food source!!!!!! ZOMG!!!!!

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  5. looking at the pix of those pastors, I think at least three of them are obviously gladiator movie fans and the bald guy looks like an old fashioned Spartan-style wrestler.

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  6. Want to get more? Look at how crazy these Christian Terrorists are, read some of the comments under the jillstanik.com link. One of them linked to this site christorchaos.com
    These people are certifiably crazy and a danger to society, look at this crap under, "thoughts to ponder" just full of some real gems:

    "America, it is said, is suffering from intolerance. It is not. It is suffering from tolerance of right and wrong, truth and error, virtue and evil, Christ and chaos. Our country is not nearly so much overrun with the bigoted as it is overrun with the broadminded....

    "...In the face of this broadmindedness, what the world needs is intolerance."

    (Fulton Sheen's "A Plea for Intolerance," 1931)

    I am starting to agree, I think we need less tolerance of this bullshit and start locking these people up.

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  7. Somebody please tell me these terrorists aren't enjoying tax exempt status for their violent, political organization operating as a religious organization.

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  8. Isn't there a bullet out there somewhere with the General's name on it???

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  9. J, I guess I'm one of the challenged, but what is your point? Just a little clarification, please?

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  10. This one at a time thing is going to take too long.

    What we need is a prayer-driven WMD that will only kill baby killers.

    I'll get to work on the schematics straight away.

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  11. I heard there was a divorce aid with the General's name on it, that's why I gave it back.

    So, J, trying to get your creepy on or what?

    ++++

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  12. Mr. mjs, Sir:

    Perhaps that is what "J" meant--a bullet shaped anal plaything that he would like to have so he can "bench test" it on himself, so to speak--otherwise the statement might sound vaguely like a threat and have to be screencapped and then sent over to the guys at CIFA so's they can put it into their files.

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  13. Maybe J doesn't understand what IP addresses do, or what logging in to make a post means. Nothing is really anonymous anymore.

    Dumb fucker.

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  14. J has a rough life. Not very smart. Fails at everything. Get's no respect. Repulses most people. Internet provides a refuge where it can finally feel like it's in control. Cutesy threats provide a feeling of power that eludes it in everyday life. It's to be pitied, if one can temper one's disgust long enough to do it.

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  15. Is J's first initial "B"?

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  16. I'm wondering if it is illegal to fantasize about that J. Stabat ... sorry, _Stanek_, lady's head turning into a fine, red mist.

    I ask this because I've heard from a friend of a friend that her face is now being used in the popular video game "Counterstrike".

    As all fine, law-abiding videogamers know, counterstrike pits counterterrorist forces against terrorist forces. Apparently it is considered great fun for one of the terrorists to be running around with Stanek's visage in place of their usual bandana or other mask, and blowing said videogame terrorist's head of with the arctic magnum.

    An example of this sort of violent fantasy can be found here (albeit w/out ms. Stabat):

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UtM22xGTONk

    The unholy carnage thus wreaked upon her innocent effigy brings chills to my spine. Indeed, it is also considered fine form to "stab at" Ms. Stanek's head with the videogame's combat knife, hence the nickname "Stabat".

    So hopefully you can see why I would bring this up.

    Keep your knife sharp and your powder dry,

    -vallor

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  17. I hate to give anybody who might not deserve it the benefit of the doubt, but maybe what "j" was getting at was that, in time, these cretins are looking to kill us all, so they can have their little superstitious fantasy land without all of us heretics making them uncomfortable by pointing out the fact that they are all delusional , batshirt-crazy pig forkers

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  18. Howiefelch:

    That thought crossed my mind as well, but the General (May GOD keep him safe and well fed) seems to know a bit more about Mr. J than I do. I'm willing to trust him on it.

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  19. Is it permitted to fantasize about O'Reilly being an organ donor: in the matter of tearing his still-beating heart from his chest, and showing it to him, so he can see how black it is?

    Though, I'm not sure that that's in a video game. yet.

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  20. So I'm watching the Dodgers and the "Athletics" because, well, it's on (did you know the Dogers are 13-2 at home in one-run games? It's true), and I come over here for a little light-hearted mirth and all I read is about the baby-killers and those who would kill the baby-killers and all I can think is, A) This is why The Lord™ said: "Vengeance is mine," (Do these fuckers ever even read the bleeping Bible, the "unerring word of God", and, B) This is exactly why I watch so much baseball. Now the Dodgers are 14-2 at home in one-run games.

    Also, some gal in Minnesota just got hit with a 1.2 million dollar judgment for downloading illegally 24 songs. Vengeance is whom's?

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  21. Dammit. This thing sucks worse than Haloscan. Bring back Haloscan! I hate it when my clever and well-thought out posts fail to appear. All I was trying to say is: Don't these murdering bastards ever read the bleeping Bible? It says right in there, "Vengeance is mine, sayeth The Lord™." You got a nation full of idiots and every one of them has the right to bear arms. Of course there are going to be problems...

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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.