Dear Mumsy and Dadsy,
I'm in a little bit of trouble and I need your help. You see, I have a mistress I need to pay off and and I can't quite swing it. It's just $100K.
I know I said I'd put on my big boy pants and take care of these things myself when I hit 50, but this was really unexpected. How was I to know that being a minority senator would be so much less lucrative. You help me get through this and I'll put on my big boy pants at 60. I promise.
Yes, I know that's eight years away, but I think I may need to resign if anyone learns about this affair. If I do, I'll blame the vicious left wing media for making me do it, and say it's like a point guard passing off the ball to help the team. OK, yes, I know what you're thinking. No one is stupid enough to believe that. But really, it's all I have. I've got to try it.
And that's why I'm going to delay putting on my big boy pants until I reach 60. I like being a senator, so if I resign, I'm going to need you to pay me to be a pretend senator for awhile--at least until I win the presidency.
And I'll still need your help then. George Bush never had to put on big boy pants. I shouldn't have to either.
I love you both very much.
Holding my breath until I see a check.
Sen. John Ensign
Help Me Reach 12 on the Manly Scale of Absolute Gender
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Friday, July 10, 2009
Ensign to put off wearing "big boy pants" until he reaches 60
Posted by Gen. JC Christian, Patriot
I've spent a lot of time arguing with myself about whether I should publish this letter from Sen. John Ensign to his parents. It's a private letter and publishing it feels a bit voyeuristic. But the Senator wants people to understand what happened, and he's asked me, as one of the leaders of the Teabag Revolution, to publish it here, so, I'll respect his wishes.
at 12:23 AM