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Thursday, July 09, 2009

Let's put a little white chocolate Lester Maddox in next year's Easter basket

Dr. John G Duesler, Jr.
President, The Valley Swim Club
Director of Marketing, Professional Disc Golf Association.
Owner, The Chocolate Squad

Dear Dr. Duesler,

I commend you sir for taking a stand for traditional confederate values and throwing those 60 black kids out of your pool. I know it ain't easy for you. It seems like everywhere I look someone's calling you a racist and a bigot. And you know it's only going to get worse as more and more people hear about it. If I were you, I'd ask the Lord to cause Debbie Rowe to punch Katherine Jackson very hard in the face very soon. It's really your only hope right now.

Hopefully you will find some comfort in the knowledge that you were right when you said allowing black kids to swim would "change the complexion" of the club. It's true. I've seen the photos at your website. Your club rivals the the LDS Institute building on the BYU-Idaho campus in Rexburg, Idaho as the whitest spot in all of North America. Heck, your members make the Pillsbury Doughboy look like Rico Suave in comparison. I mean good golly, man, Pat Boone would probably kick his own melanin-challenged ass out of the Valley Swim club pool so as to not darken its hue.

But after looking at your other website--the one touting the health benefits of a chocolate diet--I have to wonder just how committed you are to the Confederate-American lifestyle. Damn, that is one brown website. Why no white chocolate? Are you some kind of milk chocolate miscegenist?

You know your story has to have gotten Lou Dobbs's attention. How do you think he'll react to seeing this second site? It'll break his heart. Same goes for Tucker Carlson. He's going to think you can't govern your own business if you don't put a little more white on that page. Please get some white chocolate up before they have a chance to see it.

Better yet, how about featuring a line white chocolate segregationists on that site. Wouldn't it be great to give the kids a white chocolate Lester Maddox, Bull Connor, or Jeff Sessions for Easter rather than some suspiciously-hued milk chocolate bunny?

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot


  1. Interestingly enough, Thurs 7/9 6:00 am EDT, the web site you try to reference,, is 403 missing in action with message "You don't have permission", while the fuller URL with page specified produces a 404 page not found error. Now I find the the 403 error in keeping with the philosophy of purity espoused by the club, so it was not really that much a surprise.

    Even turning to the Google and asking it about "Valley Swim Club Philadelphia" returns a link to the above URL(s) as second hit in results, and clicking through from Google search results returns a 403 Forbidden message.

    You can still click and see the cached page via google, with the banner headling: "The Pool is Filled. Come Enjoy Our Great Club Friday, Saturday, and Sunday". With a link to the 2009 application form. Which I suppose is maybe down undergoing revision at the moment? Perhaps there is an explanation.

  2. True story: I attended the funeral of a well-known black man in Atlanta 10-12 years ago. Andrew Young was officiating, and in the middle of the service, he paused to thank all the dignitaries in the congregation, "...including you, Gov. Maddox." I turned around, and about five rows back, there was Lester Maddox with a couple of goons. Turns out he'd gotten close to this guy back when he was governor, and had remembered him after all that time.

  3. Uh, that last comment was by pastordan, under his super-secret church ID.

  4. Well, non-whites do constitute some sort of different, not-quite-human species in the new and improved "post-racial" America.

  5. More than a year ago, one of The General's posts referencing Lester Maddox inspired me to write something about him on my own blog and I think it's also germane to what's being said here.
    He wasn't who everyone seems to think he was.

  6. Judge Smails: Oh Porterhouse, look at the wax build up on these shoes I want that wax stripped off there, then I want them creamed and buffed with a fine chamois, and I want them now. Chop chop.

    Smoke Porterhouse: Yes judge, right away judge.

  7. Thomas:

    I'll take you at your word that he was courtly and civilized. He may have changed with the years or he may have been like Rush and the rest of the people who make their livings stoking the fires of bigoted hate--without really caring about the issues or the damage that their public pronouncements cause. It has been said that George Wallace was much the same in later years. I've had numerous friends who were reviled by other people I knew--I'm sure they had their reasons--but were never anything but convivial, solicitous, and generous in my company.

    It is a conondrum.

    Rush Limbaugh and his fellow talkingfuckheads ARE scum, on that I won't be changing my mind.

  8. He was saving all of their lives. Everybody knows that colored people cannot swim.

    Think about it.

  9. Well, they've replaced their home page with some revisionist statement, which seems to belie the facts, as can be found by their previous cover image:

    Gina over at recently covered a statement from a Mr. Ryan Sholin regarding the Web: "Be Authentic".

    [ That doesn't always apply, of course...anonymity being important for some folks who would like to speak out w/out being harassed "elsewhere", and satire being a tremendous equalizer when dealing with morons like those "valley club" creeps. ]

  10. if Gen JC Christian has to sighn heterosexually yours......that means secretly he loves to suck cock


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.