President, The Valley Swim Club
Director of Marketing, Professional Disc Golf Association.
Owner, The Chocolate Squad
Dear Dr. Duesler,
I commend you sir for taking a stand for traditional confederate values and throwing those 60 black kids out of your pool. I know it ain't easy for you. It seems like everywhere I look someone's calling you a racist and a bigot. And you know it's only going to get worse as more and more people hear about it. If I were you, I'd ask the Lord to cause Debbie Rowe to punch Katherine Jackson very hard in the face very soon. It's really your only hope right now.
Hopefully you will find some comfort in the knowledge that you were right when you said allowing black kids to swim would "change the complexion" of the club. It's true. I've seen the photos at your website. Your club rivals the the LDS Institute building on the BYU-Idaho campus in Rexburg, Idaho as the whitest spot in all of North America. Heck, your members make the Pillsbury Doughboy look like Rico Suave in comparison. I mean good golly, man, Pat Boone would probably kick his own melanin-challenged ass out of the Valley Swim club pool so as to not darken its hue.
But after looking at your other website--the one touting the health benefits of a chocolate diet--I have to wonder just how committed you are to the Confederate-American lifestyle. Damn, that is one brown website. Why no white chocolate? Are you some kind of milk chocolate miscegenist?You know your story has to have gotten Lou Dobbs's attention. How do you think he'll react to seeing this second site? It'll break his heart. Same goes for Tucker Carlson. He's going to think you can't govern your own business if you don't put a little more white on that page. Please get some white chocolate up before they have a chance to see it.
Better yet, how about featuring a line white chocolate segregationists on that site. Wouldn't it be great to give the kids a white chocolate Lester Maddox, Bull Connor, or Jeff Sessions for Easter rather than some suspiciously-hued milk chocolate bunny?
Heterosexually yours,
Gen. JC Christian, patriot
