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Thursday, August 13, 2009

Breaking News: WND's Farah Fingers Grandma as Obama's Mother

Joseph Farah

Dear Mr. Farah,

I thought I had cracked the Obama birth certificate case with my discovery that he is, in fact, half reptillian alien, but now, you've made an even more shocking discovery: his grandmother is actually his mother.

Here's what you told the Crosstalk radio program:
Well, Madelyn Dunham is a very interesting person. As you know, Barack ... the ... and I want to be careful when he identify people as "mother," "father," "grandmother," and so forth because honestly I don't think we know with any certainty whatsoever who those players are in Barack Obama's life. And perhaps he doesn't either. I suspect he does, but it's possible he doesn't know. And it is entirely within the realm of possibility that Madelyn Dunham was his mother and there's a lot of circumstantial evidence to suggest that."
And as you also noted in that interview, that's why Obama suspended his campaign when she died. He had to run to her bedside to destroy the evidence.

But what kind of evidence couldn't be destroyed until until after she died? Papers could be burned at any time. Replacing all of her DNA would be impossible, unless somehow, his Vogonzuelan pal, Hugo Chavez, created some kind of DNA replacement technology as part of an effort to destroy our economy by making Big Macs taste like hamburger. Is it possible Chavez has finally done it?

Of course there's also the possibility that he had to remove a likeness of his father she had tattooed on her body somewhere. But that wouldn't fix the DNA problem. I have to go with the Chavez thing.

What's your theory?

I still believe that the Obama birth certificate I own is genuine. The lizard-like beings of the Slzrdian Socialofascist Empire would likely be in on any plot to hide Obama's parentage. It'd be part of their plan to take over America so they could secure the population (via health care reform) as a food supply. Certainly they'd understand that Obama's chances of acheiving the presidency would be lessened if the public learned that he was the product of an adulterous relationship. So they falsified the record, making Obama's sister, his mother.

It makes sense to me.

Heterosexually yours,

p.s. You know they're going to come after you with the Village People thing. Please rest assured that your secret is safe with me and my readers.

Elsewhere: Queen Elizabeth, Kris Kristofferson, and Boxcar Willy are lizards too.


  1. The whole story sounds confusing until you remember that Obama came from a spore, sent here by his alien ancestors. Sporebama will replace your DNA with his own, gradually making our nation into Obamica, and that, as they say, is all she wrote. Once that acidic scat hits the fan, well, all I can say is good luck carrying guns into Yellowstone. You didn't hear it from me.


  2. General, Sir:

    When they passed out the KKKrazee, did Joe F., like, have a coupon so he got a "twofer fro troofers"?

    That is quite the "Cockie Duster" he has there.

  3. General, Sir:

    I was over here looking at my "work" (I'm sorta like an arsonist who stands by the fire truck, in that regard) and I noticed a typo in the last sentence. It should read.

    "That is quite a "Cockie Duster" he has there."

    I'm so glad I caught that.

  4. Sir: It isn't only the Village People we have to fear anymore. U2 has been carrying on a secret Satanic cult for years.

    (I also typed in "Carrie Underwood" and "Lee Greenwood" in their search field, but no dice. Funny thing.)

  5. Obama crawled out of the water at Innsmouth, Massachusetts. They figure he'll have a good eight more years before his gills start to show.

  6. Y'know, with the birthers, I have to wonder, do they actually believe this crap or do they know it to be crap and will just take any excuse, no matter how flimsy or foolish to make a ruckus?

  7. I think they're just looking for a fig leaf to hide their racism.

  8. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  9. General: “A fig leaf to hide their racism.” That metaphor works on so many levels.

  10. General, Sir:

    I think "Fingering Grandma" will get Joseph off of teh GAY hook.

    That "Boxcar Willie" thing, Sir, is bullshit. QE and Kris? oh, yeah, I've seen photos of them that clearly show their nicitating membrains ( But not "Boxcar Willie" he may look like a rat, but he's as MerKKKin as Baseball, hot dogs, apple pie and Nissan.

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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.